3 Years and Too Many Pounds

After too many stops and starts, too many different blogs and other things. I am admitting that I need help. And I don't mean Weight Watchers. I can't do this anymore. I have too addictive of a personality and have become addicted to food, drink, computers, just about everything that isn't healthy.

I have scheduled an appointment with therapist. I bought a workbook.

I made a good step today. I walked 3.3 miles. for that I am immensely proud of myself.

I stepped on the scale today and almost cried. I am within 4 pounds of my heaviest weight ever. I told myself that I would never let myself get this far, and I did.

I feel horrible about myself. I hurt all the time.

Goodbye Mommy Morning Drinks (my one energy drink), hello green tea

Goodbye Wine/Beer/Hard Liquor - if I don't quit now, I won't have a liver, I will end up with tremorous hands like my dad, a recovering alcoholic.

Hello living a spiritual life to reconnect with God.

Hello to more herbals than pharmaceuticals.

Hello to the new me, a work in progress, but, with time, I need to feel better.

BTW - to be perfectly honest - I weigh 290.3 pounds - over 100 pounds overweight. I may never get to the perfect BMI, but who cares.

Oh Boy! :-(

Jack's birthday week was not a very successful week for me. I gained back 2.8 pounds. Big unhappy face. Despite earning 30 exercise points, it was not enough to overcome my two big downfalls. Cake and wine. I fell back into a pattern of using food (and wine) to overcome stress. I even tried saying to myself that cake and wine wouldn't make me feel better, and you know what, it didn't. I've felt pretty crappy.

Today is Sunday, which is my restart day. I've been pretty good today. I drank all my water, ate decently and even managed to make chocolate chip cookies for Jack without going over my points for the day. I am also getting over some GI bug, which made me tummy not feel so yesterday and most of today.

I am meeting Leigha at the gym tomorrow morning at 5 a.m. It may sound early, but with the amount of insomnia I have been dealing with, it really isn't. I wish I could understand why I am only sleeping 4 - 6 hours a night. If I try to get anymore, I feel tired all day.

I was good last week and even logged all the ICMs (inappropriate coping mechanisms) into the tracker. So, I knew I was going to gain weight. I just didn't think that much. I am coming to realize that I can't eat my weekly points and still lose weight. I do well if I only eat my exercise points. So that is what I am going to do.

1. Review my Weight Loss Contract
2. I can only eat the exercise points, not the weekly points.
3. I will blog more.
4. I will continue to log everything, even my indiscretions.

Quick Post

This is just a quick post to let everyone know that I am still alive and still going strong with WW and working out. I did have a slip up this weekend when it was my son's birthday party and I was just a little stressed. I ate way more than I should have, but got quickly back on the wagon. I have even worked out 2 days in a row.

When I get a little more time, I will sit down and post more.

Spin class

After ending last week using over half my weekly points last week and not working out as much as I should have (only twice last week and only 1 really good workout), I decided that I needed to get back into it. Leigha was very kind to lend Austin to come watch the kids while we went to spin class. Spin class was, umm, vigorous. But, at least we did it.

Yesterday, I got stressed a few times, but was good and didn't use food to make the stress go away. My mantra of "Nothing in the refrigerator will make me feel better" is truly working. I am going to WW on Saturday, so I should have a good weigh-in, so long as I keep this up, since it Jack's birthday next Sunday. I can't believe my baby boy is 5.

Too Busy to Blog

It has been such a busy past few days that I haven't had time to blog or even play my Facebook games like Gardens of Time and Tetris.  I last blogged Tuesday, weigh-in this week was Wednesday and I lost 3.4 bringing my total back to 15 total. I pretty happy with myself. Thursday, Leigha and I went to an early morning spin class, where I did earn my 14 points back. It was one helluva workout. Friday was a busy day and I didn't plan very well. So, once again, I got super hungry and let my animal brain take over. Taco Del Mar and a piece of carrot cake. I dipped into my weekly points much further than I really wanted to, but I did end the week with 25 weekly points left. Saturday was much better, because I was back at work, again, all day.

Today was a day full of fun activity, we went sledding in the snow, had 2 snowball fights and generally a good time. It was a really good day until late-afternoon and evening. My daughter has been so cranky lately and today she was exponentially worse. That just sent my stress level up and all I wanted to do was eat or drink. But, I am out of points for the day and already dipped into my new stash of weeklys by 3 points. (I reset my allowance on Sundays). I have been really careful tonight to make sure I tell myself that eating is not going to make my stress level go down. It has been my mantra. I am just waiting for the kids to fall asleep, then I am going to bed. Just so I don't eat mindlessly.

Here's hoping for a better tomorrow.

Water, water, everywhere

Why is it, that when I drink my 6 - 8 glasses of water I day, I am thirstier all the time then when I don't drink? Today at work, I had no less than 3 24 oz bottles of water. On my way home, I was so thirsty (and had to pee pretty badly) and I finished my 4th. What is going on?

One good thing about working this 9 - 5 job is that I am not around food and don't have quick access to food, so I can only eat what I bring with me. So, I ate pretty well today, even though lunch was catered. I am going to weigh in tomorrow, this time 1 day early instead of 3. I think I should do pretty well.

I want to get a work out in, but I am pretty tired and I have another full day of work tomorrow. After 20+ years of working shift work, this working 9-5 is going to take some getting used to.

New Job

I woke up this morning and seriously considered going back to bed. Thankfully I didn't know that my workout buddy was feeling the same way. We both got the the gym and did our workout. It wasn't the most vigourous effort, but, hey, we were there.

I ate so well today except for 2 things. 1 - my hubby figured out how to make homemade McMenamin's french fries. I really would have been screwed if we had homemade ranch dip. Then, I got really busy at work and only ate a little bit of my dinner. So, when I got home I was STARVING and my animal brain took over. I ate leftover chinese food and an adult beverage.

I went 16 points over my budget today. So, that means I have to earn 14 exercise points for the rest of the week to keep my goal of not using weekly points. I will try, I promise, but I don't know if I can with this crazy busy week coming up.

Pluses for today - I ate well, I logged all my food, I blogged and I worked out.
Minuses - I ate a little too much.

Back to the grind tomorrow.