Eating Healthy

I would love to post that I've made good decisions this week. I haven't.
I would love to post that I've been out exercising and jogging. I haven't.
I would love to post that I still have a good momentum going. I don't.
I would love to post that I am happy about all of the above. I am not.
The weather is like my mood.
Sometimes long journeys suck.

Well Shucks!

After what I thought was a pretty good week, not great or spectacular, but not horrible, I stayed exactly the same. I am happy that it wasn't a gain, but I thought I worked hard enough at least for a loss.

The meeting was really important to me for another reason. I got my 5K charm! I walked it and I got it. The challenge was good for me, because is it got me moving more than anything else had. I even signed up for the Helvetia Half.

So, yesterday I was a little bummed when I got home, plus it was a super busy day, I was tired and hungry. I was not smart and decided to have a hamburger for dinner. It wasn't the lowest point meal I've eaten but it did taste so good! I have been on this craving for cheeseburgers lately, I don't know why. But, I tracked it all honestly.

Today was going to be a good day. Unfortunately, I found some cookie dough and made cookies for me and the kids. And I lost control again over cookies. It will need to be healthy choices for the rest of the day, plus, hopefully, alot of activity. I really need to get out and start jogging again.

sigh.

Weight Watchers Walk-It Challenge

I forgot to mention something in my last post. May 22nd was WW Walk-It Challenge. For those that don't know, WW challenged all it's members to start walking and on May 22nd, walk a 5k.

Well, yesterday, without remembering that it was the 5k challenge, I walked over 5 miles in preparation for the Helvetia Half. So, I definitely earned my star!

What a day, :-(

I am proud of myself this week and especially today. I have been eating so much better. I haven't exercised as much as I have wanted, but I have also been very busy and can't get out away like I want to, and I've been feeling it.

I am very proud of myself today for a few reasons. First, I walked for an hour and 40 minutes, which at my walking pace is around 5 or so miles. I drank all my water and ate a really good dinner. I got all my veggies, dairy and fruit in. I skipped lunch (I was out walking, so I had linner instead).

What I am most proud of, is that when today turned into a total effing nightmare, I didn't resort to food to make me feel better. I was called home from my shift on the medic because of a demon-child. I got home and had to drop a hebrew hammer and take control of an out-of-control situation. Once the demons were asleep in bed, I relaxed. Normally, after a day like this, I couldn't find enough food to try to calm myself and relax myself. Tonight, I recognized it, knew I worked really hard today and didn't want to jeopardize or ruin those points I earned. So, I carefully chose a snack that I had enough points left over and avoided all my other inappropriate coping mechanisms.

So, here it is at midnight, I don't want to go to sleep, because that will bring the morning and the end to this peaceful night too soon. But, tomorrow, I am going out for another walk, because I think the endorphins from today's walk is what kept me sane and on the bandwagon.

Almost

Well, I only have 2 pounds to go before I am down to my lowest on WW. Yay! also Boo! for taking 3 months to waiver up and down and up and down.

I am very happy to report that I lost 4.4 pounds this week, after a 2 week gain totalling 5 pounds. I credit eating better and earning 30 exercise points to that total. I am all fired to keep going, because I really want those 2 pounds next week. Am I gonna earn them? I am going to try, but it is a very, very, very long weekend ahead of me and I will do my best, of that I am sure.

What I really wanted to blog about was something that happened Tuesday night. I was getting ready to go jog/walk. My son got a 2 hour nap and he was not sleepy by any stretch of the imagination. Now, I usually jog/walk after they go to bed around 8 p.m. He was still wide awake. He said he wanted to come with me. I thought, sure, why not, get him used to working out early (he's only 4). We got our shoes on and got ready to go. Damned if that kid didn't keep my pace for 1/2 mile. Not bad for a 4 year old. The next 1/2 mile we walked, held hands and talked. When we made the turn for home, I noticed that he was truly falling behind. I asked him if he wanted me to carry him, he said, yes, please. I hoisted his 42 pound frame onto my back and started walking. On a lark, I decided to try an jog with him on my back.

EPIPHANY!!!!!!!!!!

He weighs what I have lost. I was now trying to jog with an additional 42 pounds on my back and I couldn't, couldn't believe how awful that felt. It is no wonder that I felt like a lumbering cow. I carried him the 1/2 mile home and was sweating up a storm. I got home with this feeling of awe and amazement. First, my son jogged that far and second, I used to weigh that much and now I am jogging.

What am I going to feel like when I lose another 20 pounds or so? How easy will it be for me to jog and work out then?

It's been a week since my last re-motivation shpiel and I am still doing well.

I want my 2 pounds next week!

Jogging

I hate jogging, I really, really do. So, tonight, knowing I needed to get some exercise in, I told myself that if I jogged the complete 1.6 mile route without stopping, then I only had to do 1 lap. I jogged for 1.6 miles in 24 minutes. WooooooHOOOOOOOO!

Sheepishly, I admit that I celebrated with a glass of wine and a half a Gourmet Hamburger. What a way to sabotage the exercise points I just earned. Oh, well. I still am doing okay for the week. I have 11 weekly points left, but a whopping 25 exercise points. WootWoot!!!

Yesterday, not so good, but still on plan

So, yesterday, I didn't have to work but my husband did. For those that don't know, my husband works 24 hours on, 48 hours off as a firefighter/paramedic.

So, we're hanging out at the house, I was doing laundry, the kids were playing. I ate very well for breakfast and tried to drink my water. But, some sort of evil started permeating my house, because my son turned into a defiant, spiteful little BLEEP who delighted in throwing things at me and his sister. When I took away those things, he threw temper tantrums. UGH! Once again, I try not to blog about my family, but when the kids turn into little evils, I sometimes can't help resorting to eating to make me feel better. It is a bad habit, and one I truly am working on breaking.

Well, anyway, I decided I wanted to make Gourmet Hamburgers, which is a homemade bread recipe wrapped around small hamburger (I used 93/7 turkey) with cheese and cream of whatever soup, then baked. Honestly, it is only 9 points for one. But, while I was making them, I snacked and snacked and snacked. I had a glass or 2 of wine. The point of this is - I didn't eat great, didn't eat all my veggies, or water, etc.

The good of the day is that I tracked every bite. Yes, I ate more than I wanted to, but I am still on plan. So this means that I am learning that if I have a bad day, I can still have a bad day and still be on plan.

Today has been much better. I have eaten 1 1/2 of those delicious Gourmet Hamburgers, but I have tempered it with a lot of water and veggies and fruit. I have to teach tonight, but when I get home, I am putting on my walking shoes and heading out for 1 hour and 10 minutes of walking.

It's weird, but I am sort of looking forward to Thursday, because I know I have lost weight. Even my schizophrenic scale has consistently shown that I am down from what I was last Thursday.

So, tomorrow, we are going to Springfield to the new Cabela's. That means we will be eating on the road. As such, I am pre-planning with packing fruit and veggies and water. I may not blog tomorrow, but I'll let you know how it goes.

BTW -

Sandy, self-sabotage is what I call my rebellion. If it helps, rebel for a little bit, then get re-motivated. I think my little rebellion worked for me, so far. <<HUGS>>

Nathan - thanks, cousin, for flying across the country with me to walk a half-marathon!

Thalassa and Bernie - drop me a line and let me know how you are doing

Helvetia Half Marathon

WTF did I do? I signed up for the Helvetia Half Marathon on June 11th! 13.1 miles of up and down terrain in beautiful Hillsboro Oregon. Am I ready for this, no. Am I scared, oh hells yeah! But I am going to do it anyway. I am going to jog what I can, walk what I can't and complete it all. I will get that medal and I will hang it on my love me wall to say, yes, I can do it.

Remotivation

In my last post I talked about taking time off of WW because I was burnt out. It was a controversial decision, but one I thought was the best for me. I had no motivation to track, all I wanted was everything that was bad for me. I felt like I was a teenager wanting to rebel against the rules. So, I did. I rebelled. And yes, I know, I have to pay the consequences.

Along with the rebellion came a sense of freedom. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted, I didn't worry about tracking and tried not to give a damn about what I was eating. For 3 whole days I had that freedom back and it felt wonderful, at first. It felt wonderful for about a day and a half. You see, I had a bellyache almost the entire time, I was thirsty, cranky (my poor children didn't know what evil person came to live with them) and all around in a generally bad mood. So, bad food and a raging case of PMS did not make a happy Jenn.

Here's when I started to turn the corner and realize that the food was making me miserable. It was on my final day of "freedom" Wednesday. I ate lunch at Burger King, and I got one of the worst meals for you. It was their A-1 Steak Burger, onion rings and and a leaded coke. The first few bites tasted so good. And, instead of being a smart person, I decided that I was going to finish the entire meal. I did and I was miserable, I was so miserable I felt like I was going to puke. It took me about 45 minutes to overcome that sensation. Because it was a long day, and I had to teach class that night, I decided that I was going to eat out for dinner, and had a Big Mac Meal. Now, by this time it was 6 hours after my BK experience and I still hadn't fully recovered. So, why did I eat both meals? Because I wanted to remember just how badly that type of food makes me feel. Because I wanted to remember the pain, the bloating, the greasy skin, the bad mood, everything.

I am not proud of what I ate. But, I am thankful for the learning experience that it taught me. I needed that break to remember why I started on the WW journey, that I didn't want to go back to that lifestyle of eating like that all the time. I needed to remember that eating like that causes me to be cranky, fat, lazy and just an overall unhappy person.

What was the damage done for those 2 weeks and especially the last 3 days. I am not proud of this either, but I gained 5.2 pounds. I am sure most of it will come off quickly because my period is almost over and I am no longer retaining water like a sponge.

Weigh-in was not a happy experience. I had to bring the kids with me because of a poor decision making on my part (I knew I should have gone grocery shopping earlier in the day, by the time we were done, it was almost time for the meeting to start). It was over-crowded and I didn't get to weigh in until after the meeting was over. By that time my kids were, well, let's just say that we were all on each other's nerves and leave it at that, hmmmm? Then, the receptionist who did my weigh-in said, "Oh, but you were doing so well." I don't know if it was my crankiness but that statement really, really, really rubbed me the wrong way. I know I had done well previous to this week, I was off plan for only 2 weeks, it was only 5 pounds, and I came back instead of giving up! I normally don't go to this receptionist, but I needed to get weighed in and get the heck out of there.

So, it's Friday and I have faithfully tracked for 2 days now. I have chosen healthier options, I went grocery shopping and got quick and easy and healthy meals for myself. I am choosing water over soda and fruit and low-fat cheese as snacks instead of chocolate. And, today, I walked 2.5 miles (of which, I jogged 15 minutes of it)

My goal is to lose the 6.4 pounds I gained by Memorial day. I know I can do it. Why did I choose that number? That is the lowest I've weighed while on plan. If I keep up this exercise, eating healthy, I know I can do it. And maybe, just maybe get my hostage dress back before the summer is over!

Taking a Break

I am burnt out. Burnt out of teaching, burnt out of being a mom, burnt out of dieting, burnt out of worrying.

So, maybe this is a cop out, maybe this is me giving up, but I need a break. I am not going to take the summer off, or the month off, but I am going to take the rest of my WW week off. I am not tracking and not worrying until Thursday morning. I will try to choose healthier choices, but I am going to enjoy the food choices I make and not worry about the points values.

Thursday morning, I will track again, I will drink all my water, I will exercise (well, I think I will keep up with that). I know I am going to gain, but I am so tired of "dieting" and not succeeding right now, I want a break.

Is this a good idea? I don't know. But, I am going to try it and see.

Fallin

I am tired of falling. Falling off the bandwagon, falling off plan, falling, falling, falling, because falling means gaining, gaining, gaining.

I was so planning on being good this week, but I just don't have the motivation. Mother's Day Brunch I totally overdid the desserts. This morning, I can't stop eating again. I want everything under the sun, but nothing tastes good. Plus, I am in a funk again. I was in a funk last week, yesterday was so much fun but I am in a funk again this morning.

I have a lot of work to do today, maybe if I stay away from the kitchen and try to get my work done, I'll feel better.

I also need to go out and exercise, maybe it's because of the lack of endorphins. Sigh, sigh, sigh.

No Weigh-In until Saturday

I'd like to report that I went to weigh-in tonight but I decided to have a family day instead. I took the kids out for the day then got home, picked up hubby and went to dinner. I really didn't want to go tonight anyway because I knew it was going to be a gain. So, I'll go on Saturday to try to salvage the last week.

I've been doing okay, not the best. But, I am happy to report that my exercise is getting better. On my last post, I blogged that I jogged/walked 3.5 miles. I was sore for a few days and didn't want to push it. But, tonight, knowing that I needed to get my 3 exercises in per week, I decided to go out. And I am glad I did.

I did something tonight that I haven't done, probably since 2003. I actually jogged a full mile today without stopping. I also did the mile in 15 minutes. I know that there are joggers and runners out there who laugh at the time, but since I've never been a good runner/jogger and the fact that I haven't jogged in almost 8 years, I am pretty happy with myself. And, I ran a total of 30 minutes and walked 20 minutes (run 15, walk 3, run10, walk 5, run 2, walk 2, run 3, walk 12).

So, I treated myself with a glass of wine and spent some time on the computer while relaxing.

Here's to working out.

3.5 miles and I am sore

I jogged/walked 3.5  miles yesterday. Today, I am mobile, but that is about all I can say. There is no way I can exercise tonight. I also have a migraine and all I want to do is eat. I am also PMSing.

There, that is my post. I will get 3 posts in this week.

I'm going to bed, hopefully I'll be in a much better mood in the morning.

-49 points

You may wonder what the -49 points is all about. Well, I have had such a bad week that I am 49 points in the hole. I have eaten all of my weekly points and am at a deficit that equals my weekly allowance. The only way to salvage this week is if I exercise 49 points worth AND not overeat.

It all started out with going to dinner with my dear husband. We went to Outback Steakhouse and ate an awesome meal (can we say 80 point day). Saturday I did okay, but the night turned really shitty because of a certain 4 y.o that will remain anonymous. Coping mechanism = food and wine. Sunday, dear husband brought home extra-crispy Kentucky Fried Chicken, then I drove my mom to the airport, eating McDonald's on the way home. I hadn't entered anything since Saturday night, so I didn't know how far in the hole I was.

Sunday night I was all set to go work out. But a certain news conference announcing that a certain effing terrorist was dead brought out the celebratory bottle of champagne. (We had 2 bottles of champagne left over from our wedding that we've just sort of held on to, thinking we'd open them on anniversaries or something like that.) OBL being dead was a good enough celebration, RIP 343, especially Doug Oeschlager and John Napolitano.

Monday, today, my husband was really nice and suggested swimming with the kids. Good amount of exercise, earned back 6 points. We went to Izzy's for lunch and I ate smart, even had a small dessert as well.

Then, I entered in all the food and found out how far in the hole I was. OMG! There is no way I am going to make up this deficit. So, tonight, after I got home from class, I went out for a run. And I did, it was a 61 minutes of 2 minutes fast walking and 2 min jogging. I figured 3.5 miles in 60 minutes wasn't so bad. I earned a total 10 activity points.

So, here I am, 11 o'clock at night, posting and realizing I am going to be one sore person in the morning. I still have 12 points left for the day. I know they won't count to bring down my deficit, but I am not hungry right now and I don't want to eat. I just want another 2 glasses of water.

How will this week go? I have hope that I won't gain, but looking at the numbers, I don't see how that is possible.

Ah, the ramblings of an endorphin high non-jogger