A Measly Pound

Yay, I lost a pound. Boo, it wasn't more. Yay, I got my 3rd 5 pound star. Boo-Hoo, I want my 10 %


Here's the deal. Logically I know all the rhetoric.


1. You didn't put on the weight overnight, it won't come off overnight. Yeah, but it doesn't take a lot of work, sweat, thought, and effort to get it off. And it comes off more slowly than it goes on. Trust me, I can gain 5 pounds in a week.


2. The safe way to lose weight is 1 - 2 pounds a week. Is it safe to gain weight 1 - 2 pounds a week?


Well, that's all for now.

Eating and Feeling Guilty

I have been struggling with eating. Meaning, I can't believe I can eat the amount of food I have been eating and still lose weight. I have this nagging feeling that I am eating too much and will gain this week. Even though I have only used 4 weekly points total this week and am averaging just 1 point left over every day. I am logging faithfully and being very accurate even if I don't like the points total it says.

I have also been eating healthier. More fruit and veggies, less McDonald's. I have been out to eat a lot but have made much wiser choices. I have also been drinking water. It feels like gallons of it, but I am often still thirsty. Could someone please tell me why?

The only thing I am not doing is getting any activity points. The weather has been so dang nasty and I haven't had too much time to exercise.

One positive note for the week - my son may finally be potty training. I have given in to the evil that are pull-ups. But, they seem to be working, so far. We only started Sunday, so we'll see.

Not Doing So Good

I am a woman of extremes.

I cannot find the happy medium in anything I do. This diet is not exception. It has not been a good 2 days, I have gone over points on both days and have not exercised.

I went out to dinner with my husband last night, which was wonderful. I ate all my points plus a few weekly points, which I feel so guilty using. I taught class all day today, and was busy, that I didn't eat very much. By the time Lori brought down dinner, prime rib, twice baked mashed potatoes, artichoke dip and cherry cheesecake, I was screwed. I tried so hard to stay on plan, but I still ended up eating way too much. And I went over my daily points again. I feel I've touched too many weekly points and it is only Saturday. I still have to make it to Thursday.

I gave myself permission to eat, that is the problem. And now that I am eating, I don't feel like I can stop. I am out of points for the day and it is still only 6 p.m. and I am on shift. I can't workout to earn points right now. If I get too busy tonight, how am I going to make it through?

I have healthy food with me, maybe I will be able to eat it tonight, without falling into tempation again.

Tomorrow is a new day, maybe some exercise and getting back to eating the way I was, maybe a little more, will be the answer. I dunno, I feel a little lost.

I made a mistake

I made a mistake the past week.

First off, I did lose 1.4 pounds, 0.2 pounds away from getting my 3rd 5 pound star. Grrr. I am happy that I lost, but still, not where I wanted to be.

I thought I was doing so well this week. I boasted in previous posts that I had stayed below my points while still eating at my hated/beloved McDonald's. Before I went to my meeting, I looked over how I did this past week, and was so happy with myself that I averaged eating 5 points less than I was supposed to. I figured that I would lose a good amount, but was hoping only to get to 1.6 pounds, so I would get my star. I was bummed when I didn't.

While talking to Thalassa, I told her about this and she said, "That's not good, you need to eat all your points, that's why you didn't lose that much this week and why you've felt so crappy." Okay, so I paraphrased a lot of it, but hey, gimme a break. Then my mom, whom I took to the meeting with me, told me the same thing.

Apparently, if you don't eat enough calories, your body goes into starvation mode. Well, duh, but I was thinking that it was way less calories than I was eating. It's not like I felt like I was starving. But, my body told me I wasn't getting enough and that is why I felt so exhausted. After the meeting, I still had plenty of points left for the day, and I tried to eat them all, but I couldn't.

So, today, I made a conscious effort to try to eat more. I ate a good breakfast, snacked at lunch, then went out to dinner with my sweetie pie. I ordered well and was full (not stuffed, not just satisfied) by the time dinner was over. I only ate 2.5 of my weekly points too. And you know what, I don't feel as exhausted as I did the same time last night. I actually have energy. Hmmmm, maybe there is something to this eating thing.

I am going to try to do the same thing tomorrow, but it is going to be a long day and a busy one. We'll see.

Until next time...

PS - Bernie, I am sooooooo glad you came back. It really made me happy to see you. Can't wait til next week so we can chat some more.

Too Busy!

I have been so damn busy lately. I've only managed to keep up with school work and family, not my blog. So, since it's been a few days since I last blogged, then I do apologize. But, since it doesn't seem that many people are reading this, then it must be okay.

How is my diet, nope, slash that. How is my new way of eating going? Well, not the greatest. I am not eating the healthiest of foods all the time. I have days where I do really, really well and days like yesterday and today, I more snack than eat real meals. But, I have to say, I have managed to stay underneath my daily points for every day except one. And, that day, I was only 2 points over.

This week I've managed to sidestep temptation and not eat donuts, cakes and cookies, even though I really, really, really wanted to. I've managed to eat pizza, McDonald's and stay below my points for the day.

Today is Wednesday, so my weekly points start again tomorrow. I still have 21 points for the day to eat. So, I could eat 56 points today and still, technically stay below plan. I don't think I am going to do that.

How has exercising gone, well, it hasn't. I haven't been for a walk since I last blogged. I've just felt too damn tired, too damn stressed out and not enough damn time.

I don't feel like I've had a good week on plan. I think last week's 5 pounds was a fluke and the scale is going to be wrong, again, and I am going to gain. I haven't felt any change in my clothes and I don't know what to make of my scale. It doesn't say what the WW scale does, sometimes it's higher, sometimes lower. I dunno.

My mom comes in to town tomorrow. I hope that will help me de-stress for a little bit. But my beloved hubby is going away for a week. Sigh. Such is life.

WW Challenge

So, every week we are given, for lack of a better word, a homework assignment. I've been faithfully doing my homework assignments, but this one has got me stumped. We are supposed to look at one obstacle to losing weight and figure out a unique solution to overcome it. I have chosen exercise.

As I've said before, I really, really, really hate exercise. I don't get that "endorphin high" that people get after working out. I just feel relief that the exertion is over. And, I avoid exertion, thus I've gotten into the situation that I am in. Too many pounds overweight.


When I walked the other night with Leigha, I was sore for a few days, but actually felt decent enough today to try it again. It's not that I had a bad night again (actually, it was one of the most calmest easiest nights we've had with the kids in a long, long time.) I made a decision that I needed to walk tonight. I told myself that if the kids went down tonight, I would walk again. Julie almost didn't go down well, but she finally did. Jack was a calm little one as long as he got to sleep next to daddy for a little bit. So, I left them to cuddle, I sent Leigha a message and we walked.


It might have been for only 45 minutes, but it was a good, breathless, hilly time. I felt good walking, I don't want to say an endorphin high, but not the anxiety of exercise aversion. So, maybe again tomorrow night? Leigha already said she would and would bring Laine over to babysit.

Maybe, just maybe.............but how will I overcome this exercise aversion and loathing of exercise? Hmmmm....still working on that one.

BTW - It is halfway through the week and I still have all my weekly points left and have earned 7 activity points - yay me!

5%!!!!!

I reached my first mini-goal!!! I have lost over 5% of my starting weight. I was expecting a loss today, and I was hoping to get another 5 pound sticker. Well, I got my sticker, but I also got my 5% sticker too!!!! Yay!!!

I lost 5 pounds in a week. I think it has something to do that I am over my period and ate pretty well this week. I even went out to lunch today at Applebees, and had a delicious 8 point meal, and it was steak!!! I didn't think I was going to do that well!

To be perfectly honest, I wonder if it isn't due to the fact that I ate a lot of fiber yesterday. (The Benefiber kind.) I have a problem going sometimes and need to take some additional fiber. Well, I took some the day before and it didn't work, so I took some more (and more) and it finally worked today.

Or is it the fact that I am staying, usually, well below my point values for the day? The fact that I exercised twice in one week? I dunno? I don't care as long as it wasn't a scale issue again and I don't gain next week.

Next post - this week's WW challenge and how in the heck am I going to overcome it?

Exercise Aversion

I gotta boast, we went out to dinner tonight and I did so well! I ate a healthy salad, light dressing. Stayed away from the cheddar cheese biscuits. I ate a lean steak with broccoli and asparagus. It was so yummy! The kids were little shits during dinner, so it didn't go as well as I'd hoped.



I also gotta boast, I went for a walk tonight. Not just any walk, a good hour of walking, 45 min of that was a breathless trial to keep up with Leigha. I did good! And thanks to Leigha for going with me!



Why did I go for a walk? Especially since the title of this post is exercise aversion. Well, let's just say it was go for a walk or sit down in front of the TV with a bucket of ice cream. Yeah, it was that kind of night. The day was good, the evening, not so good. Giving kids a bath - hell, especially when the littlest one poops in the tub, again.



I hate exercise, there is no 2 ways about it. It is not fun for me, no matter what I am doing. I avoid exercise because I feel like I am a fat lump that jiggles too much. Logically, I understand that the more I exercise, the less I will feel like a lump that jiggles too much, but I never said that my exercise aversion was a logical thing. Some people exercise to ward off stress, I usually don't. But, tonight, I made a conscious choice to get out of the house and do something good for myself.



Let's see how we feel in the morning.

I am a Junk Food Addict

The first step in dealing with an addiction is to admit that you have one. I have come to realize that I am a junk food addict. When I crave food, I don't crave apples, carrots, salads, wheat bread and all the other stuff that is good for you. When I am hungry, I want Wendy's, McDonald's, Taco Bell, or I want Doritos, Lays, Cheetohs, movie theater popcorn. I love full-blooded Pepsi's or Coca-Cola's or RC's. When I have a burger, I want cheese, bacon, avocado and mayonnaise on it, and I want it with deep-fried crispy french fries.

This addiction has left me in the obese category according to our federal goverment, whose BMI calculations do not take into account anyone's phsyique. I was never petite. I come from good german peasant stock and have great child-bearing hips. My son has inherited this physique, which is why I am so anal retentive about what he eats. (Though, lately, getting him to eat anything is impossible, all he wants to do is drink his sippies .) My daughter has inherited the female Stanislaw physique, which is petite. For which I am eternally grateful. But I digress.

Little Debbie and I are great friends, so are Hostess and, especially, Entemanns. It takes great force of will not to stop at a Krispy Kreme. The smell of fresh baked cookies literally makes me salivate.

The thought of having to fight this addiction for the rest of my life really scares me. It is an overwhelming thought that I will have to maintain a constant vigil for the rest of my life. If I even think of it, I want to run and hide. I am trying not to think about it that way. I am trying to make my mini goals. My first mini goal is to lose 5%, which I am over half-way there. My goal after than is 10% (or 25 lbs). After that, little goals to keep me going.

Next post - exercise aversion

I Think I am Learning

Oh, where to begin? I just wrote a whole post on my day, going to Heiser's, getting rained on, eating Brauts and I realized, how boring! I deleted it. This blog isn't to detail my life, it is to detail my struggles with food and weight loss.



I think I am learning. I've been at this over 3 weeks and I am still going strong. I still calculate my points, I still watch my portion sizes, I make smarter decisions (usually). I haven't touched many of my weekly points since I started, and I don't plan to, unless I REALLY screw up. The good thing is I still eat the foods that I like. I still get to go to McDonalds, I get to have the Brautwurst with Sauerkraut. It's like a budget. I get to splurge here, but I have to scrimp and save there.



My eating habits before WW was a constant splurge. Big Macs, large fries, large cokes, no water, hardly any fruit or salad. No wonder I was gaining weight so fast, I didn't realize how many calories were in all those foods. Now, I try to eat all my veggies and fruits for the day. I am taking vitamins and drinking water. I make smarter choices, but if I want a Big Mac, my goodness, I still can have one! Yay!



I had a small victory today. I put on a pair of pants that I haven't been able to get into in months! And, a pair of pants and a pair of shorts are too big and I must give them away, because I never want to go back into size 22/24! I am not losing this weight to get to a certain size or a certain number on a scale. I am doing this to feel better about myself. And getting into those pants today made me realize I was going in the right direction!



So, here is to keeping on keeping on.



Next post - fiber!

Chinese Food

Warning - politically incorrect - if you don't like it, stop reading right now!










Have you seen asian people? As a general rule, if they are eating the typical asian diet, they are pretty skinny. And you would think that sauteing everything is a pretty healthy way to cook, right? So, why in the hell is an order of Mandarin Chicken 15 points for 1 cup???!!!!??? I could eat a Big Mac and have 2 points to spare and feel more satiated! That didn't even include the rice!

The big problem is I went into the restaurant without pre-planning. I was hungry, I was late picking up the kids from daycare, I didn't want to go home and cook (or more accurately, clean up the cooking), so I went to the convenient place. WRONG answer.

I was so good today during the conference. I ate breakfast at home, (okay, I had a non-fat, plain latte with splenda, woo-hoo, 1 point, on the way in.) I snacked on the healthy snacks I brought. At lunch, which was buffet style, I made sure to eat the veggies and the fruit first. I watched my portion control with the pasta and skipped the dessert. The meal wasn't the best for points values, but it could have been a lot worse! I also drank about 10 glasses of water today. I think my bladder can hold a gallon right about now!

Back to the restaurant, I was even good there. I ordered hot and sour soup (extra spicy and only 2 points a cup). I ate that first before the food came out. I watched my portions, knowing that it wasn't the healthiest thing on the menu, but I couldn't BELIEVE it was 15 points for a cup!!!

Needless to say, I am over points for the day. I have used 5 uh-oh points (the most since I've been on plan). But, I don't want to get in that habit of using them unless I plan for it, like say an Anniversary dinner, or thanksgiving.


Oh, well, there is always tomorrow. I am still on plan, I am still trying, and I haven't given up. I guess in my marathon, I stumbled, but did not fall. I have picked myself on. Here's to keep on keepin' on!

Pennies lead to dollars, inches to miles....

Extremely busy day today. Got woken up early by a little one 15 min before my alarm. Got out the door on time, and spent the day learning new things and refreshing old skills. (Since this blog isn't about my work, I'll spare you the details, but give you a hint, it involved training on a cadaver).

After spending 4 hours with the aforementioned specimen, I didn't eat lunch. Not that I was grossed out, but my clothes and hands still smelled like DB, and I didn't want to eat somewhere with that smell. It's not a pleasing smell to those that are not initiated. The next 4 hours was spend cutting up pig plucks for more EMS training, so once again, I wasn't too keen on eating after, plus weigh in was in one hour and I didn't want any more weight on me than what I had. The point of all this, is that by the time the meeting rolled around, I had only eaten 3 of my allotted 33 points.

I went to the meeting and saw Sandy and Thalassa, but no Bernie, which made me sad. I was hoping she had had a better week. I hope she doesn't give up on herself, she is a really nice person and deserves to give herself a break. Bernie, if you are reading this, it's okay. Tomorrow is a new day and you CAN do it!

So, what is the weigh in you ask, well, a whole whopping 1.4 pounds, putting my total up to 8.6! I also had to recalculate my points and I now have 32 instead of 33. I guess it's a good thing, means I am going in the right direction. 8.6 pounds doesn't seem like a lot, but as the title states, pennies lead to dollars and inches lead to miles.....

Speaking of miles, I am considering walking a half-marathon with my friend Sandy. It is next June. I've done a 20 mile ruck march, but I was a few pounds lighter (well maybe, that damn ruck sack and M-16 were heavy) and many years younger. Maybe this is a challenge that will get me exercising, I don't know. What do you think? I like Sandy's post how she equated walking the marathon with losing weight. (http://www.asmidjenatatime.blogspot.com/) She, once again, inspired me, maybe, I am still mulling this one over.

So, tomorrow is bound to be another busy day. Drop the kids off at daycare early, drive to conference, spend all day in conference (no cadavers or pig plucks tomorrow, plus a free lunch!). Then pick up the kids and do it all again Saturday.

Wishing you a good night.

Busy Week

So, I have a very, very busy weekend ahead, and yes I know it is only Thursday. I won't be able to post, but I'll at least try to state how weigh-in goes. I am in EMS Conference Thurs, Fri and Saturday, so I won't really get to spend much time with my hubby or kids until Sunday, wah!

I have a confession to make, I ate McDonald's again, and the day before weigh-in and I am firmly PMSing. So, I wonder how weigh in is going to go tomorrow. Yes, I stayed below my points, I didn't even touch my weekly uh-oh points, so I should do okay. But, we'll see. The funny thing was that tonight, it didn't even taste good and I threw away half my fries.

Why, after teaching class, and it being 1030 pm, do I crave the naughty yumminess of McDonald and not the healthy food I packed. It is my weakest hour and I must come up with a plan. If you have any suggestions on how to avoid the temptation at 1030 at night, I would be interested in hearing it.

Well, I am headed to bed. Night all, til next I post.

Housework

Housework, I've been cleaning, scrubbing, picking up, re-organizing all day. You know what really sucks about it? I am no where near done and it doesn't look that different from when I started. Blah. The upside? I earned activity points and I stayed below my points for the day even though I didn't eat that smart.

I am really getting into this portion control thing, I actually measured out 1 oz of Doritos instead of eating the whole bag. And can I just say that Barbecue flavored Doritos is like Nacho Cheese flavored potato chips, it just doesn't work. With portion control and judicious use of my points during the day, I can still eat the food I like (even though I still feel guilty about it, like I am cheating or something.) As I've said before and I will say again, do not feed me bland diet bunny food, I will not stay on it. Let me eat the stuff I like once in a while (or once a day), just reinforce that I can have the burger and fries, but I need to make sure I have healthier, lower point choices before and after.

I'm also reading the nutrition labels at restaurants that I go to. The other day I went to BK and enjoyed a small onion rings, only 5 points, the same as fries. I usually eat the rings with their spicy onion ring sauce, but I decided not to that night. I am glad I did, 1 little packet of the onion ring sauce has over 17 grams of fat! I didn't realize it was THAT bad for you, I could go eat a spoonful of mayo and not get that much fat.

I picked up a few extra hours teaching tomorrow, so it's going to be another long day in a really long and busy week. My scheduled week? Work, housework, work, conference, conference, conference, Heiser's Pumpkin Patch and carving pumpkins, work and then, finally a day off.

So I bid you a good night and will post when I get the time.

A Glass of Wine

I drank a glass (or two) of wine tonight. A beer just wasn't going to cut it tonight after the day I've had.

I ate so well all day long, until, once again, just after class. Once again, I was hungry and my veggies, fruit and cheese sticks I packed just weren't going to cut it. I ate a cheeseburger and small fries from McDevils again. And, once again, I will not lie, it tasted so good. And, before you chastise me, I still had 19 points for the day. I eat so well during the day, I eat nice low point foods, and when I am home, I eat a nice evening meal that satisfies. I packed a sandwich which I ate before class, and I snacked on fruit and veggies during class, but at 10:00 it wasn't enough. These late nights are getting hard, it's only after class at 1030 at night, do I get hungry. And then I fall into the trap of McDonald's. I must boast though....After eating that meal, I still had 7 points left for the day, thus the wine.

Why the glass(es) of wine? I teach for 2 different education institutions, one is disorganized and one is anal-retentive, both frustrating in their own ways. And I had to deal with both today. I think I am getting burned out in teaching and I am feeling the pull of the field again. What to do, what to do?

Tonight, I can't solve that question. I am hoping God will show me my path. All I can do tonight is enjoy the relaxing glass (or two) of wine while sitting on the couch watching Good Eats with Alton Brown.

Good night

Crappy Mood

I am in such a crappy mood!

Why? Well, the long and short of it comes to living with a 2 year old and a 3 1/2 year old. They both have alternated between being little angels and complete devils. My daughter doesn't have the physical strength that my son does, so she has developed her vocal cords. I am also happy to announce that I am entering my daughter in the WWC - World Whining Competition. I am sure she will take gold! When she whines - it is like nails on a chalkboard. Sigh.

I don't have too much bad food in the house, or else I surely would have eaten it. I am such an emotional eater.

I've been good today, I still have 7 points for the day. If I can just stay out of the kitchen until after the kids go to bed......