Flare Ups and Other Random Thoughts

I have IBS - that causes my entire GI tract to become swollen, inflamed and generally painful. I also get bloated and fat and constipated for days. If I try to take any remedies (natural and medicines) that move things along, then I am left with even worse cramps and bloating. I have tried changing my diet, going gluten-free, sugar-free and nothing seems to prevent it.

The flare-ups are random and unpredictable. I can eat the worst food imaginable and not have any flares. I can eat the cro-magnon diet of fruits and vegetables and have a bad flare. There seems to be no rhyme or reason.

I am in the middle of a flare now. It started about a week ago and has steadily gotten worse. I think I am finally getting better, but I don't know. The good side is that often I don't feel like eating anything, the bad side is that when I do want to eat, I just want to eat high calorie stuff.

So, I went to weigh-in on Thursday and lost 1.2 pounds. I think the fact that I exercised a lot last week helped. I actually did do 3 good workouts, including a 3.2 mile walk on Wednesday. Yes, 3.2 miles is a 5k and I did it in 48 min, woo hoo for me.

so, I have 1.2 more pounds to go to get rid of the 2.4 pound gain I had last week.

I didn't track well last week, as a matter of fact, I think I stopped for 3 days. Bad Jenn BAD! But, I started again on Thursday, did well in tracking. Friday, I tracked, but hubby and I also had date night at Outback and I had an 81 point day. 81 points, that is over 2 days worth of food. I have 9 points left for the week. I am definitely going to have to work out at lot this week. (And yes, I am feeling the effects of my 81 point dinner, my stomach does hurt)

Well, that is a lot of random thoughts. I am done for now.

2 down, 1 to go - again

Today didn't turn out to be anything like I expected. I expected to get dressed, get the kids up and taken to daycare, go teach PALS, come home and relax until it was time to pick up the kids.

Nope, didn't happen. Oh, I got up, got the kids up and realized both had fevers and were CRANKY. Then, had to call in sick to PALS - which I felt incredibly guilty over since Kathleen called me at home because she didn't get the message, I felt awful because of the tone of her voice said more than she did. Called daycare, another kid was sick with the same thing. Sent a text to John, who only got 3 hours sleep from a really busy shift.

Hung around the house and worked on the RFL quilt and the tumbling blocks quilt. John got home and napped. The kids alternately cuddled then played then cuddled and watched TV. I got out of the house for a little bit so I could get the stuff to finish the quilt and do some grocery shopping.

I got a healthy dinner and, true to form, Jack had a freakin' meltdown. He didn't want to eat, he just wanted to drink his propel. He threw a world-class tantrum which stressed me out to no end, I was ready to eat a tub of frosting at that time. That set the mood for the night, cranky, tired and wild children, cranky and sleep deprived husband and me.

After everyone fell asleep for the night, I put on my work out clothes, my new high-visibility ANSI certified reflexite coated shirt and went for a jog/walk. I ran for 4 1/2 minutes and felt great. Did a lot of walking and hills and wanted to keep going. I kept on thinking I was doing a 16 minute pace again, nope, only an 18. So, I didn't walk as far as I thought I had, only 2.63 miles in 48 minutes. I listened to tunes from my phone and felt wonderful. I was a little disappointed that I was only doing an 18 min pace, and typing up the frustrations for the day is also sort of a downer.

But, I am proud of myself for going out and working out. I know I will feel better about myself. I just hope all this exercise means I'll lose the 2.4 pounds I gained last week.

I Chose Exercise Tonight

I worked out, I mean, I really worked out. I put in a new Leslie Sansone 5 mile Fit and Tone DVD and it kicked my butt, legs, arms, back and core. 

1 down, 2 to go (I hope more, but 3 is the minimum for this week)

2.4 pounds

Well, I knew it was a bad week, but I didn't think it was going to be that bad. I gained 2.4 pounds. I knew I ate like crap I just can't believe how fast I can put weight on and how slowly it comes off. Yesterday after I posted I hit a wall and just started eating crap. I figured that my week was already shot, why not go out with a bang. So, a glass of wine, a bag of popcorn and too many malted milk balls to count.

Today I have been decent, I did drink all my water, and I stayed on plan, even eating Chinese food for dinner. I am in workout clothes, and I am trying to convince myself to work out. I know I'll feel better, I'll feel better about myself, but I also just want to crawl into bed and sleep.

Time to put my big girl panties on.....I'm gonna go work out.

Keep on keeping on

Yesterday wasn't the best day on plan, but I did work out despite the fact that my back hurt. I also did my best to stay on plan, but going to wineries were not exactly on plan. I am still going to try, but I have no hope not to gain weight this week. I am truly still trying and not going to keep on the 2 month back slide. I think I have found the bottom and am working myself back up.

Today, we are going on a hike with the kids, then I hope to go out and take a walk/jog. I will get the 3 workouts in this week, and the blogging, but I will  need to work on tracking next week.

If Sandy will be at the Thursday meeting, I am going to bring her her dress and let her see it and hopefully that will get her back on track, because she has been having some similar issues.

In Trouble

I am in trouble, with myself and with Sandy. I haven't blogged in a while, I haven't had a good workout since last Thursday and I haven't been tracking for the past 2 days. We've had some company in town which has made it difficult to sit down and track and to write a blog. But that is no excuse. Plus, I really haven't felt into it, which is where I was a few weeks ago. Blogging and tracking helped keep me on track, but here I go back sliding again.

But, this back-slide has only been for 2 days, not 2 months. I am blogging today. I am tracking today. I have my walking/jogging shoes on and I am going to work out today. Will it keep me from not gaining weight this week, probably not (Sunday night was a very, very bad night). But, I am not on the 2 month backslide that I was.

I will get my 3 blogs in this week (I just have to blog everyday) and I have to get my 3 workouts in before the meeting on Thursday. (In my defense, I did spend all day Friday walking around Portland, Saturday on my feet at EMT Basic lab, and Sunday, I pulled weeds and gardened for 2 hours)

Here's to a quicker turn-around this time.

And- a shout out to Sandy for a great job finishing her 10K!

2 down, 1 to go

Work outs that is. My challenge for this week was to include everything that we had done in the previous week, which was to blog at least 3 times a week and to track more. I did that last week and I stayed the same. No surprise there, since I was even on points.

This weeks challenge was to exercise 3 times this week. I did a 20 min walk on Friday and I just completed a 32 minute (2.09 mile - thanks to mapmyrun.com) jog/walk. It started out sunny and cool and it turned into rainy and yucky and I was ill-prepared. If I had a jacket on, I probably would have stayed out longer, but truly, I was getting cold. I also jogged for exactly 2 min 30 sec before my legs were to tired and I was breathing too hard. But, you know what, I am damn proud of myself for doing that much. Next time, I will go a little longer, and eventually, I will do the whole thing in a jog.

So, I just need to get 1 more workout in this week and I met my goal. Here's hoping that I lose this week.

Good day, Bad Day, Good Day

That explains how the last 3 days have gone. Friday I was a super-star! I ate healthy, I was faced with serious temptation in the form of a tex-mex potluck at school. I ate the healthy food I brought. When I was finished, instead of staying in the room with all the food, I decided to go for a walk. I walked at a very brisk pace for 20 minutes. Hubby was awesome and cooked me a very healthy meal. Since my back was still pretty painful, I decided to take a muscle relaxer, wrong answer.

Saturday morning hit and I was loopy and exhausted, thanks to the cyclobenzeprine I'd taken the night before. I was so tired and hungry, but nothing seemed to feed the beast. It was like I had fallen back to where I was before. I tried making healthier choices, but I just couldn't stop that beast. I didn't get a workout in like I wanted to, I actually dozed on the couch for 2 hours while my son played nicely and my daughter was asleep, hallelujah!!!!!!

Sunday, I've been an almost superstar. I ate breakfast, drank most of my water. Snacked at lunch, saving the points for the awesome cheeseburger dinner that I had been craving. I finished dinner with 6 points left for the day, which I splurged and had a glass of wine and some potato chips.

My back is still hurting, but I am going to try to get a workout in tomorrow. I did make an effort to get more physically active today. When I was at Salem Hospital for a class I was teaching, I parked in the farthest corner of the parking garage and made myself walk the entire distance to the basement classroom. No muscle relaxer for me, I don't like that feeling of being loopy for almost 48 hours.

So, I am signing off for tonight. Going to go cuddle with my hubby.

Exactly the Same

I weighed in tonight and I stayed exactly the same. That is okay with me. I kept up with what I told Sandy I would do....I tracked everything and that is why I only had 4 weekly points left and I blogged more. I am okay with staying the same.

Sandy and I talked at the meeting, what was this week's challenge. She has to track everything, including her SSEB's and I have to work out 3 times this week. We also signed up for the Weight Watchers Challenge to meet our exercise goal every week for 6 weeks. I think I am also going to find a 5k to train for. That way, I have a reason to work out.

I'm pretty sore, my back hurts. So, I am going to sign off.

Feeling Re-Motivated

I am feeling re-motivated this morning. I am not quite sure why, but it has been a busy morning and haven't been around food. I have been drinking my water (5 8 oz glasses so far) I really need to drink like 10 glasses today because of the salty food I've been eating. Kahlua pork is delicious but itis also very salty. I also brought 2 salads because I need the fiber.

I think it had something to do with the fact that a former student of mine hasn't seen me in months. She looked at me and said "Wow, you look great!" and gave me a hug. Then a coworker also said I looked good.

I feel confident, I feel pretty, I feel skinny!

NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS SKINNY FEELS!!!!

I AM A BELIEVER!

Trying so hard

My motivation is still going okay. Even though I have used most of weekly points this week, I still feel like I have been doing a decent job. The hardest part I have noticed is after everyone has gone to bed, that is when I get hungry and start snacking.

At least I have been honest and truly tracking what I have been eating. I think that is why I am so low on weekly points, is because I have been truly more honest than I have been in a long time about tracking. I haven't been so great on drinking my water. That is going to be my goal tomorrow, is to drink at least 8 glasses of water, if not more.

 

When we got home today from our adventure day, I packed lunch and dinner for tomorrow, since it is going to be such a long and busy day. I packed plenty of fruit, a salad and 2 Smart Ones. 

So, weigh in will be on Thursday. I am hoping for the best.

Old Photos

You never know what you got until it's gone. Well, the same could be said for body image. I grew up thinking I was fat. I was always bigger, taller, stockier than any other girl out there. I was tall, but not twiggy. I wore sizes that most girls laughed at.

Fast forward 20 years (really, 20 years?!!? I don't feel that old!!!!!) and I look back at that girl in the pictures and I want to slap her. I want to tell her, you are skinny, you look awesome!!! Just wait until you have put on 87 pounds, then feel how fat you feel.

What is going to be disappointing is that I am striving to get back to the weight I was in some of these pictures. But, realistically, I know that I am not going to have the same body. My boobs aren't perky anymore, my tummy has stretch marks and rolls, even though there is not as much fat under there, cellulite has attacked my legs and butt, and gravity has given me the beginnings of a waddle and bat-wings. All thanks to years on earth and birthing 2 kids.

But, I vow to myself, when I get back to the weight I was in these pictures, I am not going to call myself fat! I will lament about the toll that time has taken, but I will be so damn proud of myself. I am going to find dresses that make me feel like I did in these pictures and I am going to wear them again.

Do you know when it really hit me that I was middle-aged? I found a friend from college on Facebook. I was so excited, I hadn't seen her in 20 years or so. I was so ready to reconnect. I looked at her profile pic and I thought to myself, "She looks just like Corba did when I was growing up." Corba is a very dear friend of the family, but is my mother's age. That's when it hit me. We are the same age now as what I remember Corba and my mom looking like at middle age, that must mean we ARE middle-aged.

Is there anything I can do now about my mid-life crisis? Nope. I just want to be healthy for my kids so i can enjoy playing with them outside, or at the beach, or anywhere.

Well, I just went all stream of conscious there, it really isn't a blog about weight loss, but, it's what I felt like writing tonight. But, to make it a weight-loss blog, I did pretty well today. I even ate chinese food for dinner, but made sure I portion controlled it. I went over by 4 points today, but I am okay with that. Oh, when I plugged in my weight yesterday, guess what, I lost another daily point. So, now I am down to 34 a day. We'll see how I do with that.

Night all