Old Photos

You never know what you got until it's gone. Well, the same could be said for body image. I grew up thinking I was fat. I was always bigger, taller, stockier than any other girl out there. I was tall, but not twiggy. I wore sizes that most girls laughed at.

Fast forward 20 years (really, 20 years?!!? I don't feel that old!!!!!) and I look back at that girl in the pictures and I want to slap her. I want to tell her, you are skinny, you look awesome!!! Just wait until you have put on 87 pounds, then feel how fat you feel.

What is going to be disappointing is that I am striving to get back to the weight I was in some of these pictures. But, realistically, I know that I am not going to have the same body. My boobs aren't perky anymore, my tummy has stretch marks and rolls, even though there is not as much fat under there, cellulite has attacked my legs and butt, and gravity has given me the beginnings of a waddle and bat-wings. All thanks to years on earth and birthing 2 kids.

But, I vow to myself, when I get back to the weight I was in these pictures, I am not going to call myself fat! I will lament about the toll that time has taken, but I will be so damn proud of myself. I am going to find dresses that make me feel like I did in these pictures and I am going to wear them again.

Do you know when it really hit me that I was middle-aged? I found a friend from college on Facebook. I was so excited, I hadn't seen her in 20 years or so. I was so ready to reconnect. I looked at her profile pic and I thought to myself, "She looks just like Corba did when I was growing up." Corba is a very dear friend of the family, but is my mother's age. That's when it hit me. We are the same age now as what I remember Corba and my mom looking like at middle age, that must mean we ARE middle-aged.

Is there anything I can do now about my mid-life crisis? Nope. I just want to be healthy for my kids so i can enjoy playing with them outside, or at the beach, or anywhere.

Well, I just went all stream of conscious there, it really isn't a blog about weight loss, but, it's what I felt like writing tonight. But, to make it a weight-loss blog, I did pretty well today. I even ate chinese food for dinner, but made sure I portion controlled it. I went over by 4 points today, but I am okay with that. Oh, when I plugged in my weight yesterday, guess what, I lost another daily point. So, now I am down to 34 a day. We'll see how I do with that.

Night all