Remotivation

In my last post I talked about taking time off of WW because I was burnt out. It was a controversial decision, but one I thought was the best for me. I had no motivation to track, all I wanted was everything that was bad for me. I felt like I was a teenager wanting to rebel against the rules. So, I did. I rebelled. And yes, I know, I have to pay the consequences.

Along with the rebellion came a sense of freedom. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted, I didn't worry about tracking and tried not to give a damn about what I was eating. For 3 whole days I had that freedom back and it felt wonderful, at first. It felt wonderful for about a day and a half. You see, I had a bellyache almost the entire time, I was thirsty, cranky (my poor children didn't know what evil person came to live with them) and all around in a generally bad mood. So, bad food and a raging case of PMS did not make a happy Jenn.

Here's when I started to turn the corner and realize that the food was making me miserable. It was on my final day of "freedom" Wednesday. I ate lunch at Burger King, and I got one of the worst meals for you. It was their A-1 Steak Burger, onion rings and and a leaded coke. The first few bites tasted so good. And, instead of being a smart person, I decided that I was going to finish the entire meal. I did and I was miserable, I was so miserable I felt like I was going to puke. It took me about 45 minutes to overcome that sensation. Because it was a long day, and I had to teach class that night, I decided that I was going to eat out for dinner, and had a Big Mac Meal. Now, by this time it was 6 hours after my BK experience and I still hadn't fully recovered. So, why did I eat both meals? Because I wanted to remember just how badly that type of food makes me feel. Because I wanted to remember the pain, the bloating, the greasy skin, the bad mood, everything.

I am not proud of what I ate. But, I am thankful for the learning experience that it taught me. I needed that break to remember why I started on the WW journey, that I didn't want to go back to that lifestyle of eating like that all the time. I needed to remember that eating like that causes me to be cranky, fat, lazy and just an overall unhappy person.

What was the damage done for those 2 weeks and especially the last 3 days. I am not proud of this either, but I gained 5.2 pounds. I am sure most of it will come off quickly because my period is almost over and I am no longer retaining water like a sponge.

Weigh-in was not a happy experience. I had to bring the kids with me because of a poor decision making on my part (I knew I should have gone grocery shopping earlier in the day, by the time we were done, it was almost time for the meeting to start). It was over-crowded and I didn't get to weigh in until after the meeting was over. By that time my kids were, well, let's just say that we were all on each other's nerves and leave it at that, hmmmm? Then, the receptionist who did my weigh-in said, "Oh, but you were doing so well." I don't know if it was my crankiness but that statement really, really, really rubbed me the wrong way. I know I had done well previous to this week, I was off plan for only 2 weeks, it was only 5 pounds, and I came back instead of giving up! I normally don't go to this receptionist, but I needed to get weighed in and get the heck out of there.

So, it's Friday and I have faithfully tracked for 2 days now. I have chosen healthier options, I went grocery shopping and got quick and easy and healthy meals for myself. I am choosing water over soda and fruit and low-fat cheese as snacks instead of chocolate. And, today, I walked 2.5 miles (of which, I jogged 15 minutes of it)

My goal is to lose the 6.4 pounds I gained by Memorial day. I know I can do it. Why did I choose that number? That is the lowest I've weighed while on plan. If I keep up this exercise, eating healthy, I know I can do it. And maybe, just maybe get my hostage dress back before the summer is over!