I stopped tracking for a few days and just now entered in what I could remember eating. Oh My Goodness did I screw up. I have 1 weekly point left (that will probably be taken up by something I know I've forgotten to track).
Now I know why my scale says what it does. If I keep eating like I am, I am quickly going to gain back everything I've lost. I am mad at myself, but hopefully I will use this to make up for lost ground. It is only Wednesday and I don't have weigh-in til Saturday.
Can I salvage this week? Well, I am going to the gym tonight to help earn back some weeklys. I am going to keep gum in my mouth and water in my bottle and try really, really hard.
I can't go back to what I weighed, I can't!
I went shopping yesterday...just grocery shopping, not clothes shopping...but WOW...I saw myself in way too many mirrors and was disgusted with my weight. I gained 30 pounds this year due to quitting smoking (which is healthy-but not packing around 30+ pounds can't be healthy either) and being sick. I am miserable...I am disgusted with myself... I don't really have a financial or time option of something like Weight Watchers (even online) and I am just sooooooooo depressed about so many things right now that it is hard to make the effort to take care of myself... Sorry, this totally turned into me and it wasn't supposed to. Keep chewing your gum and drinking your water dear one!!!
ReplyDeleteOh Christy, I so know what you are going through. And it is such a vicious circle that it is so hard to break. I struggle with it all the time and wish I knew what to say to help you break it. This blog is for anyone to vent their frustrations and celebrate their victories, so please, use it as a forum to talk about yourself. I am pleased to read and respond.
ReplyDeleteAll I can tell you is that I love you, your family loves you the way your are. You are a beautiful person, inside and out, even though you can't feel it right now. I know these words aren't much comfort when you feel like the sta-puff marshmallow man in clothes that don't fit (or my favorite - I lived in comfy PJ's and "exercise clothes" so I wouldn't be reminded how big I had gotten.)
As for the WW program, I think it helped that my insurance reimbursed 70% of the cost. It motivated me to go. Now that I am spending my own money, I am beginning to wonder if it is worth it, since I have basically maintained for the last 8 months. Could you maybe look into your insurance and see if they have a program like that?
If you ever need someone to talk, about anything, please, please drop me a line, phone, text, e-mail, comment, FB, message, whatever. Since we've reconnected on FB I realize and regret what I missed throughout those years we've lost contact and cherish your words.
With loves and hugs. - Jenn