The weather was bad on Thursday and Kourtney cancelled the meeting. Since Thursday is the only day that I can make the meetings, I didn't get to weigh in this week. But that is okay. I don't really want to see the damage I have done to myself. I am admitting here and now to eating almost a box of Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pie Cookies (5 points each) over the span of 2 days. That was on top of all the other food I shoved down my gullet. I did my best to track but I so lacked any motivation and frankly felt out of control.
I felt crappy and had no motivation to eat healthy or stay on plan. I was always hungry, but nothing I ate made me feel satisfied, actually it made me feel worse because of the guilt of what I had eaten. But that guilt wasn't enough to stop me from putting more stuff down my gullet.
My last post was about PMS and not feeling like I had any control over what I put into my mouth. Since I last blogged I have had an epiphany. The downward spiral may have started with PMS, but it continued and got worse because I forgot to take my anti-depressants for probably 4 days (maybe 5). You see, I have been depressed my entire life. I was in my mid 20's before I got on anti-depressants.I liken it to living in a gray world. Being on Well-Butrin turned the world into brilliant technicolor. I did okay off of them while pregnant and breast-feeding, but I've been a happier, more stable individual on them. This past week I got out of my normal routine and simply forgot. When I would remember something would always come up and I would forget again. Plus the kids gave me their colds and I was on cold medicine. I thought the lack of energy was part of the cold and cold medicine. But, I couldn't figure out why I had no motivation and an absolute lack of control. Thus, the epiphany, on Thursday morning I finally remembered to take my meds. And, by Friday, I finally started to feel a little bit better. I was more able to stay on plan. My motivation improving and I was able to control my urges to eat. Saturday and Sunday got even better.
So, here it is Monday night. I've been able to have at least a few daily points left over since Friday. I actually worked out today and felt halfway decent. Tonight, before class, I fixed a healthy dinner for myself. When I got home, I was hungry and I chose 3 point popcorn.
Here's hoping that I can undue the damage of last week (somehow I don't think so, I stepped on my home scale and it wasn't good at all. It looks like a 3-4 pound gain in a week). But, I am feeling better and that is what is important. Here is hoping that I keep up with this positive attitude.
All I know is I don't want to feel that way again, so I will take my meds and keep on keeping on.
So I am on enough meds now that I ahve one of those handy pill organizers, and I keep it in my purse instead of the bathroom. that way it is always with me. If i remember an hour after breakfast I forgot my morning niacin it is right there in my locker. Plus then I see when I wake up if I forgot my evening meds the night before (plus honeslty having them in a little flip container is much easier to remember than having to oepn 3 pill bottles.
ReplyDeleteI am only on 2 meds. I usually keep them in the kitchen window, but for some reason it got put away in the kitchen medication cabinet. I also have spares in my purse, but kept forgetting to take them. Then add the lack of motivation, it was often, "Oh, I'll take it later"
ReplyDeleteI stepped on the scale this morning. It showed a 6 pound gain. Jeesh, I am truly hoping it is just water weight.