PMS sucks!

I hate PMS! I am usually not that bad of a PMSer, but for some reason, this week has been HORRENDOUS. I cannot get enough to eat, I am always hungry and I have no self-control. There is so much good stuff in the house, fresh French Bread, cookies, rice crispy treats, cookies, fudge, Roman Roca. All the yummy, yummy, yummy stuff I love.

I did very well on Sunday and came in under points. Monday, yesterday, started out strong, but degraded down when I couldn't control my eating. My darling husband made a healthy spaghetti dinner and I smartly, but the snacking that I had no control over, made me not too hungry for dinner.

I woke up today with cramps, so PMS is over, but the insatiable urge to eat is still here. I did something smart and took all the sweets, and put them in a box, in a difficult location to get to in the garage. I am hoping that if it isn't in easy reach, I will stay away from it.

I don't have much hope for this weigh-in. I know I have been eating way too much. I still have a few days, maybe I can salvage this week.

2 1/2 days

I have not tracked my food in 2 1/2 days. I have no idea how much I have eaten, how many points I have, nothing. Yesterday was Christmas and I decided to treat myself and eat what tasted good. The way I figure it, I am out of points for the rest of the week. I am going to try to stay on plan for the rest of the week and see how I do.

It's not going to be easy because there is still a bunch of Christmas goodies in the house, but I have been telling myself to have some self-control.

John took the kids out so I could get a nap. That is where I am going.

who wudda thunk?

Who would've thought after all that Christmas baking, after all those bites, licks and tastes of deliciously evil food, that I would have lost an entire pound? I don't know how I did it! I don't know how it was possible! But, it happened. The WW scales don't lie (unlike mine). So, my total for the year is 29.6! I am truly, truly, truly hoping to get the last 0.4 pounds next week, that way I will have lost 30 pounds since Sept 16th!

Honestly, I can't believe I have been this motivated and this successful and it hasn't been all on my own. I have to thank my supportive family, my mom for wanting me to call her every Thursday with my results. I especially have to thank my darling and supportive husband, who has encouraged me, believed in me and supported me through all of this. He never fails to tell me he is proud of me and that I am sexy! I love EWE sweetie pie, you are my sunshine! Also, my friends, Lori, Darlene, Leigha and Stephanie for all your support, thank you!

I have been at this for 14 weeks and am averaging 1.7 pounds a week. At this rate, I will reach my goal weight next August. It seems sooooo far away, but back in September, I would never have thought I would have lost 30 pounds by the end of the year.

Well, it's time for Santa's little helpers to go wrap presents. Until next time.

Blown, blown, blown, blown and blown!

I have totally blown my diet! Or, shall I say, my new way of eating. It all started on Sunday, when my Christmas baking extravaganza started. I thought it would only take 1 day to complete all the baking I wanted to do. I figured, I could get away with one bad day. Nope! It took me 3 days to finish everything and get it all packed up and ready to be given out. 3 days of not knowing how many points passed my lips to go directly to my hips.

It's not like I was baking anything healthy....Oh no!! Toffee (1 cup butter 1 cup sugar, all boiled together, add nuts and chocolate), Roman Roca, Pumpkin Chocolate chip cookies, chocolate mint chocolate chip cookies, rice krispy treats, cake bon bons. I tried my best to guesstimate, but it was impossible. I wasn't drinking enough water and wasn't eating planned meals. I was too busy snacking to ever get hungry for a real meal.

I loved all that baking, even when I was stressed out, I loved it. It was fun to watch separate ingredients come together to be something yummy that others will enjoy.

I go to weigh in tomorrow. I don't know what is going to happen. Will I gain? Will I lose? Will I stay the same? Who knows? So, tomorrow, after weigh in we shall see.

I tried to be so good and not snack or taste. But, as you may recall from previous posts, I am a slave to all things sweet. And I was surrounded by sweet, sweet, sweet stuff. My new favorite is Roman Roca! So easy, yet sooooo yummy!

I am headed to bed.

Next post - the results.....

I feel like SYTYCD or American Idol - the results show

Wow!

So, I weighed in Thursday night, totally expecting a gain since I ate like such crap the previous week. I was also in the middle of an IBS flair and expected that swelling and bloating to cause me to gain water weight. Well, lo and behold, I lost a pound!! My total is 28.6. I can't believe I've actually lost that much. I hope to do so well this week that I get my 5 pound star again next week.

I am eating better, my stomach is feeling a little better, but I am not eating that much because it is still really tender. I am also drinking more water, which is good, because now I don't feel so lightheaded. I am hoping that I feel well enough to start my Christmas baking.

So, here's to a good week of eating healthier food and a good loss on Thursday.

Yesterday was my birthday

Yesterday was my birthday. My darling husband thought it would be a great idea to take the kids and we all go to Newport for the night, to change things up and to celebrate my birthday. I had great hopes, but in the back of my mind, I knew it would be the nightmare it turned out to be. The kids were misbehaving little brats, didn't want to go to bed, and didn't want to stay asleep. But, this blog isn't about my life, it's about my weight loss challenges. And yesterday was my biggest challenge to date, and I lost (or rather, gained.)

By dinnertime at 5 or so, I had had it. I haven't been feeling well lately. Every few months I go through this strange illness. I am slightly nauseated, lightheaded and my abdomen is bloated and tender to the touch. A few times I have even run fevers and had to stay in bed. It doesn't seem to follow any hormonal cycle or dietary issues.I thought it was because I wasn't eating enough.

You see, all the food I like is higher points than it was on the old plan. This new plan really forces you to eat healthier (which is not a bad thing, if you have the time, inclination, etc). The old plan, I could eat more of the yuckier stuff and still stay below points, with this new plan it is definitely harder, since everything is worth more points.And, I was losing weight on that plan.

Back to yesterday, so I decided to eat a little more, even if it was unhealthier. I ate McDonald's which, strangely enough, usually settles my stomach. Nope, nauseated. I was so tired of being sick and tired that I decided to throw the plan to the wind and eat what I wanted to. It was Wednesday, the day before my points reset, so I was going to use them all up and if I gained, I gained. We went out to dinner and I had 2 alcoholic beverages (which did nothing to help my stomach, but I sure relaxed) ate Prime Rib (wasn't that great), hardly touched any of the potato. Got back to the hotel and ate a slice of cake and another adult beverage. Nothing was helping my stomach feel better.

This morning, I was so nauseated that I have hardly eaten anything, healthy, or unhealthy all day. Water was even getting me nauseous. I want this illness to go away, but I still have 2 or 3 days left of it. Yuck.

So, in an hour, I go to face my worst enemy, the scale. I know it is coming and I am prepared for it. The first gain. It will not be a happy time, but, I will use it to re-energize my healthier eating dietary changes. I will make an effort to eat more fruit and veggies and stay away from the bad stuff (or the good tasting stuff). Maybe, just maybe, the junk I have been eating has caused my gastric distress.

I'll let you know.

Children's Breakfast Cereal

I grew up on Lucky Charms. I love that cereal. I also like Froot Loops and Trix, but have never been a Cap'n Crunch fan. What I really love about Lucky Charms are the "Marshmallows", puh-leeze, aerated sugar is all it is. Lucky Charms is a comfort food for me, and with this week being the way it has,I indulged. I hadn't even thought of Lucky Charms until after our ER visit with Jack and his croup. We went out to breakfast (what else do you do at 0630 in the morning?) and the restaurant we went to had a kid's menu and it had Lucky Charms. Jack pointed to it and said, "I want Cheerios with Lucky Farms." If it was something he wanted, and would finally eat, then I was all for it.

Later that day we went to the store to get his prescription filled. I picked up a box of Lucky Charms and a bag of Western Family's Fruity Mallows. (Think Froot Loops with Lucky Charms marshmallows, YUM!) I got home and started thinking, if I want some of this I need to plug it into my new WW calculator which calculates the points based on Fat, Carbs, Protein and Fiber (note the lack of calories). It finally hit my that this new system, even though a pain in the butt to relearn everything, might just be worth it. Instead of looking at just calories, fat and fiber, it looks at everything. I was shocked (and a little dismayed) to find out that the cereal that is my comfort food is 0 fat, 27 G carbs, 0 protein, 0 fiber. It is nothing but sugar. Now, I had heard this a time or two, but it wasn't until I looked at everything else did I realize that eating a bowl of cereal is like drinking a glass of chocolate milk. The milk has the nutrients, but the other things just add sweetness and flavor.

I did eat the bowl of cereal. But instead of pouring myself a second or third, I kept it at one. The dawn of realization finally hit about how little nutrition there is in kid's cereal.

One other thing that I'd like to mention. I think I am finally learning not to emotionally eat. On the way home from my very last Molalla Class, I was a little frustrated because of a speaker we had in class that freaked my students out. I got it resolved, but I was pretty frustrated and upset. Now, we had had a potluck with all sorts of goodies. I had my fill, but I was restrained. On the way home, I kept thinking that I was frustrated and I needed to vent, but I wasn't hungry and wasn't going to rely on food to calm me down. I passed several convenience stores and did not stop. By the time I got home, I had calmed down enough to go to bed. (Only to be woken up at 0445 to take a certain croupy boy to the hospital.)

It's getting late and I have a ton of laundry to fold and a bed. to make. Night.

I totally forgot to mention something

I totally forgot to mention that with this week's weight loss, I am down another decade. That is WW speech to say you've gone from (in my case) a 23? to a 22? weight. It is also the time to recalculate points and I am down to 36. I can deal - it means I am on the right track.

I haven't been in the 220's since early 2007, right after Jack was born. 220 is my wedding weight, which is my next mini-goal.

Portion Control

The only reason I can fathom why I didn't gain weight this week was portion control and self-restraint. I look back on my weekly diary of food and it is full of CRAP food. McDonald's, Dairy Queen, adult beverages, and BAKLAVA! Yet, somehow, someway, I managed to lose 1.2 pounds this week, bringing my total to 27.6.

I indulged, but I indulged wisely-ish. Instead of a whole piece of Baklava, I ate a half, then a few hours later the other half, but at least it wasn't 2 pieces. I went out to eat and chose the smaller portions, I even ate a Big Mac without the french fries.

The past few days have been very stressful (what an understatement for h - e - double toothpicks). First the kids came down with sinus infections and I got laryngitis, now I have a sinus infection and they have croup. (Did you know adults get croup, we just call it laryngitis. Our airways are larger so we don't get the coarse seal-like bark that kids get with the same infection.) Jack got so bad this morning that we took him to the ER for his yearly dose of prednisone. And he has been a complete and utter hellion. He doesn't feel good, he is tired and cranky, but doesn't want to sleep because he has trouble breathing. So, he can't get better because he isn't sleeping. And, when he doesn't sleep, no one does. Sigh.

I'm tired, next post - Breakfast cereals

A little hint and a memory aid for me, I didn't realize how little nutrition there was in a box of Cheerios with Lucky Farms.

Ready for a Break

I found this old picture of me. It was when I was at my absolute heaviest right before I got pregnant with Jack in 2006. I lost 30 pounds because of morning sickness, but from this picture, you can see it was a good thing. This picture is only 10 pounds heavier than when I started WW in September. After my son was born I was actually in size 18 clothes and under 200 lbs (for a little while.) Once again, I my weight crept up and up and up. So, I was well on my way to looking like this again.

For the past 2 nights, I have been up past midnight working on stuff for my basic class. And I am tired (pun intended) of it. The past few days haven't been good. Yesterday I hardly ate anything because I was so busy with the lab final and I ate a Big Mac on the way home and had a few adult beverages. Today, the kids were monsters and we were all cranky. I didn't go over too far on points yesterday, and I am still below for today. And, I ate at Taco Del Mar and have fallen in love with their Mondito burrito.



Well, actually, make that yesterday, I just saw it is past midnight.



I don't like the new points system. I used to know the points value, now I have no idea. What used to be 1 point is now 3 and I don't like eating 3 point food when it used to be one. Illogical I know, but this is a huge paradigm shift, specially since I was getting so comfortable on the plan. Maybe that is why we needed the shake up. Hmm, I don't know.

That's enough of my tired rambling. I am going to bed with 1 point left for the (yester)day.

Laryngitis

Well, after a challenging week and no idea what the heck is going on with my home scale, I actually managed to lose a 0.8 tonight, for a grand total of 26.4. I really can't complain, since it was a short week and the weight loss last week was so big. At least I know that I truly did lose that weight last week.

I have reached one of my first mini-milestones. I wanted to lose as much as my daughter weighs. I was carrying her up the stairs the other day when I realized this, that I used to weigh what she and I weighed together. I am walking up the stairs much easier without all that weight. I also reached another mini-milestone and that was to weigh what I weighed when I started working for WVFD. Now the next mini-milestone is to weigh what I weighed what I did when I got married. Then, lose the weight my son weighs. Then, to get to below 200 for the first time in almost 10 years.

I'd also like to congratulate Bernie on her 9 pound loss and coming back to plan. I am so glad to see you at the meetings.

PointsPlus

Well, it is here, the new Weight Watchers plan. I think I am going to like it only AFTER I relearn to estimate al my points all over again....sigh.

I understand the science behind the new calculations and the new points values. I liken the new plan to inflation, yes we get more points to spend (I now get 37 daily points and 49 weekly points :-o), but everything also cost more. All fruits and most veggies are free (I beg to differ, I entered 2 cups of mixed green salad and it was 1 point -really, c'mon, lettuce is 1 point?).

I do like the new emphasis on carbs and protein being calculated in. I am just not quite sure how everything plays together so there is no way I can estimate my points anymore. The mobile e-tools site is up and running (and it looks nice compared to what it used to be), but it doesn't always work since I don't always have cell signal. Plus, it's like working with dial-up when you are used to high-speed.

I had heard rumor that WW was going to have a Blackberry app, but I have yet to find it.

On another note, I am sick. Not sick of the plan, truly sick. I went to bed last night with a small productive cough and over the course of the night, I developed a sore throat, fever, runny nose, body aches and a tight chest with painful, tight, productive cough. Oh, joy. I must have gotten it from the kids, because they both have sinus infections.

I found my new comfort food. It isn't on plan, but Swiss Miss Hot Chocolate made with milk is sooooooooo much better than when it is made with water. Unfortunately it is also 7 pointsplus.

Well, the herd is up, I better go get them.

10% - Woooooo HOOOOOOOOOO

I cannot believe that I have reached my 10% goal!

Last week I lost a mere 0.6 lbs. Today, I weighed in on a Saturday morning, and, lo and behold, I lost 5.6 pounds in 9 days. For a whopping total of 25.6 pounds in 11 weeks. WOW! I am so happy with myself for working so hard to get this weight off. I still have over 50 more pounds to go, but I have gotten a huge chunk off. Wow!

I think the secret to this week's weight loss wasn't the 9 points of activity I earned. I think it was that last week I was really constipated on weigh-in. This week, due to some delicious roasted garlic, I didn't have that problem. So, I don't think I lost all the weight in one week.

To be perfectly honest, despite all the water I am drinking and vegetables I am eating, I still am not going as much as I should. I have tried benefiber supplements, pro-biotics, bulk-forming fiber supplements and nothing much is really happening. I wish I had other ideas other than taking a pills. I don't want to get dependent on them. Maybe I should just eat more roasted garlic......but I don't think my family would like that....lol

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving to All!

I started the day out so strong. Until I got to the fire station, where there were tasty treats to be had all around. I tried to be so strong, but, being surrounded by food that was just too good, I couldn't. I tried not to nibble and munch too much during the day, except for the brownies, oops. Then, dinner was served.

Now, we didn't have the usual turkey and stuffing. I might have been able to eat better. John's captain Traegered an phenomenal Prime Rib. I made roasted garlic mashed potatoes and homemade horseradish sauce. Oh, everything tasted to good. Did I ever mention that my favorite meal was Prime Rib, well this meal will be really hard to beat. I've never had prime rib that flavorful or tender.

Even though I went way, way, way over on points, it could have been much worse. I could've had that second piece of Prime Rib, but I was already so stuffed. I could've stayed at the fire station and had pumpkin pie, but I chose to go home. I could've dipped my fingers in the bowls of freshly whipped cream and homemade frosting.

So, I am left with 14 points until next Wednesday night. I have weigh-in on Saturday, to make up for tonight's missed weigh-in. So, I am not too hopeful for next week, but I think I'll do okay.

I am ready to go surrender to my food coma. Good Night.

Oh, by the way, I got a good picture of myself today to show what 20 lbs down will do for your self confidence

Still going strong

Monday, Monday, oh, did I mess up Monday. I took a trip up to Portland to drop off that paperwork and on the way home I thought it would be nice to take the kids to Red Robin (Yummm!) I looked at the menu, didn't really want a salad, so I chose a sandwich that I thought was healthier than one of the burgers, boy, was I wrong. The sandwich I chose, a patty melt, was 34 points! Good thing I only ate half, phew. I still went over for the day, but you know what, it's okay. I still have weekly points left (17 of them) and I still have activity points (9 of them) and my points reset Thursday morning. I think I can make it through Wednesday without going over all my points.


Due to the holiday, I can't weigh in on Thursday, I'll have to wait until Saturday morning. But, I think I am going to do okay. I'll only be looking for a stay the same weight, especially since Turkey (or Prime Rib) day is upon us. I intend on being restrained, eating a bunch of veggies and staying away from the really tasty stuff. Because, I am coming to believe this phrase, nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. I feel so dang good that my former fat pats are too big. That my skinny pants are starting to get loose. That the pants that I want to get into are just a few more pounds away. I relish the thought when my too small pants will become my too big pants....and then I'll go shopping!


I intend to say goodbye to Women's, Plus-Sizes, 1x, 18W clothes forever. I want to shop in the regular sizes again. (Something I haven't done since before I got married!) It will take work, but maybe by this time next year, it will have happened.


I have lost 1/4 of the weight I want to lose in 2 months. In 6 more months, will I finally be there? Maybe I'll give John a great 40th birthday present by being a skinny wife. Here's hoping and working hard.


Night all.

A Good Weekend

I feel so much better!

Saturday I worked with the supervisor who helped me get the paperwork snafu fixed and today we played in the snow, sledding and having so much fun. And that is what I really wanted to talk about.

A few months ago I wouldn't have wanted to go play in the snow. I was so big that I didn't have winter clothes that would fit. I didn't have the energy to trudge through the snow. Today, I found a set of thermal underwear that fit, and fit under my clothes with room to spare. Today, I fit into my snow pants with room to spare. Today, I trudged up and down a snow covered hill having fun sledding with my family. It was amazing how good I felt out playing in the snow. I couldn't believe how losing 20 pounds would make this much of a difference.

I have so much more self-confidence. I can't imagine what I am going to feel with another 20 down. I am re-energized and eating well, definitely back on plan and making wiser choices. I am not starving or depriving myself of the foods I like, I am just eating less of them and planning for the splurges.

So, bring on Thanksgiving and the food coma! I am planning for it and I'm going lose weight this week too!

Until next time

Thursday GREAT - Friday - CRAPTASTIC

Even with all the abundance of good food I shoved down my gullet, I still managed to lose 0.6 lbs to make my 20 lb total weigh loss. Yay, I was so happy to get that. I got my 4th star and just couldn't believe how much better I've been feeling. Even though I am not eating perfectly, I am choosing better foods and less of the worse foods.....until today...

Today could be summed up in one word. CRAPTASTIC. I miscalculated the date that state paperwork is due to the state, by a full week. My supervisor's supervisor, BMOC, fielded the first e-mail and after that it was all downhill. It won't be totally over until Monday, because, I get to drive me (and the kids) up there to hand-deliver the paperwork, that will hopefully be done tomorrow.

So, while I am struggling with the aforementioned political crap while struggling to get out of the house with 2 kids that are testing Mommy's limits, I drive all the way to Canby and realize, I left my purse at home. And, the car was on Empty. I broke down, not for the first time today either.

As a surprise, I made my husband a pan of Baklava. Now, if you have never had Baklava or don't know how it's made, let me tell you the ingredients - phyllo dough (pure white bleached flour), butter (and lots of it), nuts (high fat stuff) and home-made syrup (sugar/honey). That's it. It is heavenly good and therefore, high in points (6 points for a full piece, thankfully, I cut my pieces in half).

I got the station, gave my sweetie pie his Baklava and proceeded to nosh on 3 pieces (10 points). It was the best pan I've ever made. I didn't plan lunch, so I had a 10 point grilled cheese sandwich. On the way home after everything I needed to get done was done. The kids were hungry, cranky, and McDonald's was RIGHT there. 12 more points down the drain.

So, its been a really crappy day and I want it to end. So, I am going to bed. I will hopefully put this day behind me and tomorrow will be better. (But, it probably won't be)

Hanging Tough

Well, it's Tuesday afternoon and I am still hanging tough. I only have 6 weekly points left because I forgot to account for hush puppies in my seafood feast. And those little suckers are 1 point each, jeeesh!

I have been sucking down the water lately and I just don't feel like I can get enough to drink. It has to do with an antibiotic I am on that causes a dry mouth, metallic taste in mouth and dizziness. Great.

So, if I trust the science of WW, they say that if I track faithfully, count all my BLT's (bites, licks and tastes) that even if I use all my weekly's I will still lose weight. I just don't see how that works, but it must. I still feel guilty for using my weekly's. Hopefully, I will be able to survive the rest of the week and lose at least 0.6 pounds so I get my star.

I still haven't figured out how to add enjoyable exercise (isn't that an oxymoron) to my life. Hmm. Any suggestions?

So There I Was....

Wow, it's been a while since I last blogged. For those of you that do follow this blog, my current status is - I am still on plan and doing well. I've lost a total of 19.6 pounds. I hope to get my 4th 5 pound star this week. I hope, but I am not going to plan on it because of a little restaurant called Joe's Crab Shack.

You see, on Nov 20, John and I will celebrate 11 years of marriage. We couldn't take the 20th off, so we celebrated a week early. His annual surprise trip took us to Camas, Washington, where we stayed in a beautiful, renovated old hotel with the most comfortable bed I've ever slept in. I'd seen commercials for Joe's Crab Shack for months and have wanted to go there. I was so good all week. Not using a single weekly point, knowing that I was going to blow it all at Joe's.

John and I talked about staying on plan and he suggested we split a bucket. I am so glad he did. We both nibbled during the day, so by the time dinner rolled around, I still had 27.5 points for the day and the 35 for the week. I literally gorged myself. I ate crab-artichoke dip, crab legs dipped in clarified butter and drank 3 Long Island Iced Teas (they were pretty weak). We got done with dinner and I literally waddled to the truck. Then we drove back to the hotel, where after a few hours and a few more cocktails in the bar we called it a night.

When we got home today, I entered all the points for everything I had consumed yesterday and today (I've been so good today) and I still have 11 weekly points left to last til Wednesday night.

Maybe, just maybe, I will be able to lose this week and get my 4th star. I am 5.6 pounds away from my 10% goal. I might actually be able to do this by the end of the year!!!

So, here is hoping and I'll try to blog sooner rather than later.

Did Okay til I Got Home

I was at EMT-Basic lab today. I got up at 0450 this morning, was on the road by 0530. I was so good, I packed healthy snacks to eat all day, even filled up a pitcher with lemon water. I snacked on a 2 point bagel, an apple and a cheese stick. I didn't even realize that was all I had until lunch. I was hungry, but not bad, and I made wise choices at Subway.

Then, Denise brought in the most evil looking Rice Krispy Treat - it had butterscotch chips, peanut butter and chocolate. I was doomed! But, instead of going overboard, I ate 2 small pieces. Oh, it was heaven. Thank goodness was at a fire station and people were watching me, so I didn't eat any more of that delicious evilness and guesstimated 5 points (I promise, they really were tiny pieces)

The afternoon passed without me realizing it. I drove home snacking on my food again. I was so good, until........I got home.

I don't think I've ever mentioned that I absolutely love Bailey's Irish Cream. It's not the alcohol that makes me want to drink it. It is the delicious full body taste of cream, chocolate and a little nip of whiskey. I love sipping it over the rocks, sometimes diluted down with half-n-half. I went to the liquor store the other day to buy some. I made a good choice and instead of getting a full bottle, I got the little refrigerator minis. Limit the temptation, etc.

If you hadn't realized, but there isn't any nutritional labels on spirits. I found the nutritional value of Baileys and nearly had a cow. 1 oz of the stuff is 3 points. The little bottle is 9 points. WTF. My favorite drink is 1/4 my daily points?!?!

When I got home I had 9 points left over. Hmmm, a WW meal or Baileys....I'll let you guess what I chose, but at least I only chose 1 and not both, and I know the consequences of choosing both. The dreaded gain at the scales.

Until tomorrow.

PS - Bernie, if you are reading this, give me a call tomorrow. My hubby is at work and I got the kids all day. I could use a cup of coffee.

WTF

Last week was, by far, the worst one I have had on plan. I ate like crap, didn't drink my water, didn't exercise. I only had 7 weekly points left over. Didn't earn a single activity point. As I posted before I started eating Halloween candy and just couldn't stop. One piece led to 20 pieces. Thank goodness John took the leftovers to work and let the firefighters eat 'em.

I figured that I would be lucky just to stay the same and not gain. I was so down on myself and feeling guilty. And, for the first time since starting my WW journey (homage to Kourtney, our fearless meeting leader) doubts began to creep in that I would not be able to lose my super-duper goal of 87 pounds. I began to wonder if I could just lose 25, my 10% goal, and how long that would take. I had a secret goal of hitting the 30 pound mark by the end of the year.

So, imagine my surprise, I lost 2.2 pounds. A full kilogram! I even got below the 240 mark and had to lose another daily point. I am down to 31 daily points now. So my total lost is a whopping 18 pounds. Only 7 more to go to reach my 10%!

Back to my WTF! I had the worst week on plan ever, ate like total crap and I still lost more than the weeks I was doing so well!?!?!?!? On Wednesday and Thursday, I admit I did eat better, much more veggies and water. And, on Thursday, I didn't eat or drink too much. I had 20 points left after weigh-in.

The meeting helped a lot. I took away a new knowledge of metabolism and why it is so important to exercise and get your heart rate up. I still hate exercise. And, I admitted to the group that I am having doubts for the first time since I started. I took away 3 key points that really helped.

1. It wasn't really a mistake if you learned a lesson from it. - The lesson I learned is that I cannot be around that much candy. If I want candy (which I can't have for a year because of I promise I made to a certain deity that if John's bond levy passed, then I wouldn't touch the stuff for a year), I can't have unlimited supplies of in the house. This goes for all things that I have aforementioned are my evil foods. I also can't buy any of those WW 1 point cakes. I bought a box and ate the entire box in one night. 12 points - grr.

2. (My favorite) A bad day on plan is still better than a good day eating like you used to. So true, at least I accounted for all my points and still tried to stay with it.

3. Forgive yourself - You had a bad day, forgive yourself, learn your lesson, get back on plan. Don't let a moment or 2 (or a dozen) of weakness stray you from your path.

So, here is my dilemma. I had 1 week where I was an average of 5 points under plan every day and I lost 1.6 pounds. The next week I ate all my points, and touched about 10 or so weekly points and I lost 1 pound. This week I eat all my points and have 7 points left over, and I lose 2.2 pounds. What should I do? Should I try to eat all my points and weekly points and see where it takes me? Should I go back to just eating my dailys? I dunno.

Well, it is late, I have to be up early and be on the road at 5:30. I am headed to bed.

PS - By the way, I ate really well today, made good choices even though hubs and I went out to eat and cooked crab fettuccine Alfredo for dinner. I am a little over for the day, but it was well worth it because I feel better than I have in a while.

Permission to Eat

Oh, boy. I am not looking forward to WW weigh in this week. I've really, really, really blown it. I haven't really worked out, I haven't been careful about what I've been eating.

I started eating Halloween candy last night and couldn't stop myself. I am such an addict to that stuff. Yes, I estimated how much I ate and how many points, but I went over my daily and hit into my weekly points allowance. I will be lucky if I stay the same this week, much less lose. I haven't been drinking my water either. Hell, the other day I drank 2 full sugar sodas.

I feel like I have lost my will.....I was going so strong and now I feel myself weakening to tempation. I will take a look at my paper and hope that I can be strong.

I am headed home from class tonight, maybe on this commute I won't eat 2/3 of a bag of Cheetoh's Flaming Hot Lime.

A Measly Pound

Yay, I lost a pound. Boo, it wasn't more. Yay, I got my 3rd 5 pound star. Boo-Hoo, I want my 10 %


Here's the deal. Logically I know all the rhetoric.


1. You didn't put on the weight overnight, it won't come off overnight. Yeah, but it doesn't take a lot of work, sweat, thought, and effort to get it off. And it comes off more slowly than it goes on. Trust me, I can gain 5 pounds in a week.


2. The safe way to lose weight is 1 - 2 pounds a week. Is it safe to gain weight 1 - 2 pounds a week?


Well, that's all for now.

Eating and Feeling Guilty

I have been struggling with eating. Meaning, I can't believe I can eat the amount of food I have been eating and still lose weight. I have this nagging feeling that I am eating too much and will gain this week. Even though I have only used 4 weekly points total this week and am averaging just 1 point left over every day. I am logging faithfully and being very accurate even if I don't like the points total it says.

I have also been eating healthier. More fruit and veggies, less McDonald's. I have been out to eat a lot but have made much wiser choices. I have also been drinking water. It feels like gallons of it, but I am often still thirsty. Could someone please tell me why?

The only thing I am not doing is getting any activity points. The weather has been so dang nasty and I haven't had too much time to exercise.

One positive note for the week - my son may finally be potty training. I have given in to the evil that are pull-ups. But, they seem to be working, so far. We only started Sunday, so we'll see.

Not Doing So Good

I am a woman of extremes.

I cannot find the happy medium in anything I do. This diet is not exception. It has not been a good 2 days, I have gone over points on both days and have not exercised.

I went out to dinner with my husband last night, which was wonderful. I ate all my points plus a few weekly points, which I feel so guilty using. I taught class all day today, and was busy, that I didn't eat very much. By the time Lori brought down dinner, prime rib, twice baked mashed potatoes, artichoke dip and cherry cheesecake, I was screwed. I tried so hard to stay on plan, but I still ended up eating way too much. And I went over my daily points again. I feel I've touched too many weekly points and it is only Saturday. I still have to make it to Thursday.

I gave myself permission to eat, that is the problem. And now that I am eating, I don't feel like I can stop. I am out of points for the day and it is still only 6 p.m. and I am on shift. I can't workout to earn points right now. If I get too busy tonight, how am I going to make it through?

I have healthy food with me, maybe I will be able to eat it tonight, without falling into tempation again.

Tomorrow is a new day, maybe some exercise and getting back to eating the way I was, maybe a little more, will be the answer. I dunno, I feel a little lost.

I made a mistake

I made a mistake the past week.

First off, I did lose 1.4 pounds, 0.2 pounds away from getting my 3rd 5 pound star. Grrr. I am happy that I lost, but still, not where I wanted to be.

I thought I was doing so well this week. I boasted in previous posts that I had stayed below my points while still eating at my hated/beloved McDonald's. Before I went to my meeting, I looked over how I did this past week, and was so happy with myself that I averaged eating 5 points less than I was supposed to. I figured that I would lose a good amount, but was hoping only to get to 1.6 pounds, so I would get my star. I was bummed when I didn't.

While talking to Thalassa, I told her about this and she said, "That's not good, you need to eat all your points, that's why you didn't lose that much this week and why you've felt so crappy." Okay, so I paraphrased a lot of it, but hey, gimme a break. Then my mom, whom I took to the meeting with me, told me the same thing.

Apparently, if you don't eat enough calories, your body goes into starvation mode. Well, duh, but I was thinking that it was way less calories than I was eating. It's not like I felt like I was starving. But, my body told me I wasn't getting enough and that is why I felt so exhausted. After the meeting, I still had plenty of points left for the day, and I tried to eat them all, but I couldn't.

So, today, I made a conscious effort to try to eat more. I ate a good breakfast, snacked at lunch, then went out to dinner with my sweetie pie. I ordered well and was full (not stuffed, not just satisfied) by the time dinner was over. I only ate 2.5 of my weekly points too. And you know what, I don't feel as exhausted as I did the same time last night. I actually have energy. Hmmmm, maybe there is something to this eating thing.

I am going to try to do the same thing tomorrow, but it is going to be a long day and a busy one. We'll see.

Until next time...

PS - Bernie, I am sooooooo glad you came back. It really made me happy to see you. Can't wait til next week so we can chat some more.

Too Busy!

I have been so damn busy lately. I've only managed to keep up with school work and family, not my blog. So, since it's been a few days since I last blogged, then I do apologize. But, since it doesn't seem that many people are reading this, then it must be okay.

How is my diet, nope, slash that. How is my new way of eating going? Well, not the greatest. I am not eating the healthiest of foods all the time. I have days where I do really, really well and days like yesterday and today, I more snack than eat real meals. But, I have to say, I have managed to stay underneath my daily points for every day except one. And, that day, I was only 2 points over.

This week I've managed to sidestep temptation and not eat donuts, cakes and cookies, even though I really, really, really wanted to. I've managed to eat pizza, McDonald's and stay below my points for the day.

Today is Wednesday, so my weekly points start again tomorrow. I still have 21 points for the day to eat. So, I could eat 56 points today and still, technically stay below plan. I don't think I am going to do that.

How has exercising gone, well, it hasn't. I haven't been for a walk since I last blogged. I've just felt too damn tired, too damn stressed out and not enough damn time.

I don't feel like I've had a good week on plan. I think last week's 5 pounds was a fluke and the scale is going to be wrong, again, and I am going to gain. I haven't felt any change in my clothes and I don't know what to make of my scale. It doesn't say what the WW scale does, sometimes it's higher, sometimes lower. I dunno.

My mom comes in to town tomorrow. I hope that will help me de-stress for a little bit. But my beloved hubby is going away for a week. Sigh. Such is life.

WW Challenge

So, every week we are given, for lack of a better word, a homework assignment. I've been faithfully doing my homework assignments, but this one has got me stumped. We are supposed to look at one obstacle to losing weight and figure out a unique solution to overcome it. I have chosen exercise.

As I've said before, I really, really, really hate exercise. I don't get that "endorphin high" that people get after working out. I just feel relief that the exertion is over. And, I avoid exertion, thus I've gotten into the situation that I am in. Too many pounds overweight.


When I walked the other night with Leigha, I was sore for a few days, but actually felt decent enough today to try it again. It's not that I had a bad night again (actually, it was one of the most calmest easiest nights we've had with the kids in a long, long time.) I made a decision that I needed to walk tonight. I told myself that if the kids went down tonight, I would walk again. Julie almost didn't go down well, but she finally did. Jack was a calm little one as long as he got to sleep next to daddy for a little bit. So, I left them to cuddle, I sent Leigha a message and we walked.


It might have been for only 45 minutes, but it was a good, breathless, hilly time. I felt good walking, I don't want to say an endorphin high, but not the anxiety of exercise aversion. So, maybe again tomorrow night? Leigha already said she would and would bring Laine over to babysit.

Maybe, just maybe.............but how will I overcome this exercise aversion and loathing of exercise? Hmmmm....still working on that one.

BTW - It is halfway through the week and I still have all my weekly points left and have earned 7 activity points - yay me!

5%!!!!!

I reached my first mini-goal!!! I have lost over 5% of my starting weight. I was expecting a loss today, and I was hoping to get another 5 pound sticker. Well, I got my sticker, but I also got my 5% sticker too!!!! Yay!!!

I lost 5 pounds in a week. I think it has something to do that I am over my period and ate pretty well this week. I even went out to lunch today at Applebees, and had a delicious 8 point meal, and it was steak!!! I didn't think I was going to do that well!

To be perfectly honest, I wonder if it isn't due to the fact that I ate a lot of fiber yesterday. (The Benefiber kind.) I have a problem going sometimes and need to take some additional fiber. Well, I took some the day before and it didn't work, so I took some more (and more) and it finally worked today.

Or is it the fact that I am staying, usually, well below my point values for the day? The fact that I exercised twice in one week? I dunno? I don't care as long as it wasn't a scale issue again and I don't gain next week.

Next post - this week's WW challenge and how in the heck am I going to overcome it?

Exercise Aversion

I gotta boast, we went out to dinner tonight and I did so well! I ate a healthy salad, light dressing. Stayed away from the cheddar cheese biscuits. I ate a lean steak with broccoli and asparagus. It was so yummy! The kids were little shits during dinner, so it didn't go as well as I'd hoped.



I also gotta boast, I went for a walk tonight. Not just any walk, a good hour of walking, 45 min of that was a breathless trial to keep up with Leigha. I did good! And thanks to Leigha for going with me!



Why did I go for a walk? Especially since the title of this post is exercise aversion. Well, let's just say it was go for a walk or sit down in front of the TV with a bucket of ice cream. Yeah, it was that kind of night. The day was good, the evening, not so good. Giving kids a bath - hell, especially when the littlest one poops in the tub, again.



I hate exercise, there is no 2 ways about it. It is not fun for me, no matter what I am doing. I avoid exercise because I feel like I am a fat lump that jiggles too much. Logically, I understand that the more I exercise, the less I will feel like a lump that jiggles too much, but I never said that my exercise aversion was a logical thing. Some people exercise to ward off stress, I usually don't. But, tonight, I made a conscious choice to get out of the house and do something good for myself.



Let's see how we feel in the morning.

I am a Junk Food Addict

The first step in dealing with an addiction is to admit that you have one. I have come to realize that I am a junk food addict. When I crave food, I don't crave apples, carrots, salads, wheat bread and all the other stuff that is good for you. When I am hungry, I want Wendy's, McDonald's, Taco Bell, or I want Doritos, Lays, Cheetohs, movie theater popcorn. I love full-blooded Pepsi's or Coca-Cola's or RC's. When I have a burger, I want cheese, bacon, avocado and mayonnaise on it, and I want it with deep-fried crispy french fries.

This addiction has left me in the obese category according to our federal goverment, whose BMI calculations do not take into account anyone's phsyique. I was never petite. I come from good german peasant stock and have great child-bearing hips. My son has inherited this physique, which is why I am so anal retentive about what he eats. (Though, lately, getting him to eat anything is impossible, all he wants to do is drink his sippies .) My daughter has inherited the female Stanislaw physique, which is petite. For which I am eternally grateful. But I digress.

Little Debbie and I are great friends, so are Hostess and, especially, Entemanns. It takes great force of will not to stop at a Krispy Kreme. The smell of fresh baked cookies literally makes me salivate.

The thought of having to fight this addiction for the rest of my life really scares me. It is an overwhelming thought that I will have to maintain a constant vigil for the rest of my life. If I even think of it, I want to run and hide. I am trying not to think about it that way. I am trying to make my mini goals. My first mini goal is to lose 5%, which I am over half-way there. My goal after than is 10% (or 25 lbs). After that, little goals to keep me going.

Next post - exercise aversion

I Think I am Learning

Oh, where to begin? I just wrote a whole post on my day, going to Heiser's, getting rained on, eating Brauts and I realized, how boring! I deleted it. This blog isn't to detail my life, it is to detail my struggles with food and weight loss.



I think I am learning. I've been at this over 3 weeks and I am still going strong. I still calculate my points, I still watch my portion sizes, I make smarter decisions (usually). I haven't touched many of my weekly points since I started, and I don't plan to, unless I REALLY screw up. The good thing is I still eat the foods that I like. I still get to go to McDonalds, I get to have the Brautwurst with Sauerkraut. It's like a budget. I get to splurge here, but I have to scrimp and save there.



My eating habits before WW was a constant splurge. Big Macs, large fries, large cokes, no water, hardly any fruit or salad. No wonder I was gaining weight so fast, I didn't realize how many calories were in all those foods. Now, I try to eat all my veggies and fruits for the day. I am taking vitamins and drinking water. I make smarter choices, but if I want a Big Mac, my goodness, I still can have one! Yay!



I had a small victory today. I put on a pair of pants that I haven't been able to get into in months! And, a pair of pants and a pair of shorts are too big and I must give them away, because I never want to go back into size 22/24! I am not losing this weight to get to a certain size or a certain number on a scale. I am doing this to feel better about myself. And getting into those pants today made me realize I was going in the right direction!



So, here is to keeping on keeping on.



Next post - fiber!

Chinese Food

Warning - politically incorrect - if you don't like it, stop reading right now!










Have you seen asian people? As a general rule, if they are eating the typical asian diet, they are pretty skinny. And you would think that sauteing everything is a pretty healthy way to cook, right? So, why in the hell is an order of Mandarin Chicken 15 points for 1 cup???!!!!??? I could eat a Big Mac and have 2 points to spare and feel more satiated! That didn't even include the rice!

The big problem is I went into the restaurant without pre-planning. I was hungry, I was late picking up the kids from daycare, I didn't want to go home and cook (or more accurately, clean up the cooking), so I went to the convenient place. WRONG answer.

I was so good today during the conference. I ate breakfast at home, (okay, I had a non-fat, plain latte with splenda, woo-hoo, 1 point, on the way in.) I snacked on the healthy snacks I brought. At lunch, which was buffet style, I made sure to eat the veggies and the fruit first. I watched my portion control with the pasta and skipped the dessert. The meal wasn't the best for points values, but it could have been a lot worse! I also drank about 10 glasses of water today. I think my bladder can hold a gallon right about now!

Back to the restaurant, I was even good there. I ordered hot and sour soup (extra spicy and only 2 points a cup). I ate that first before the food came out. I watched my portions, knowing that it wasn't the healthiest thing on the menu, but I couldn't BELIEVE it was 15 points for a cup!!!

Needless to say, I am over points for the day. I have used 5 uh-oh points (the most since I've been on plan). But, I don't want to get in that habit of using them unless I plan for it, like say an Anniversary dinner, or thanksgiving.


Oh, well, there is always tomorrow. I am still on plan, I am still trying, and I haven't given up. I guess in my marathon, I stumbled, but did not fall. I have picked myself on. Here's to keep on keepin' on!

Pennies lead to dollars, inches to miles....

Extremely busy day today. Got woken up early by a little one 15 min before my alarm. Got out the door on time, and spent the day learning new things and refreshing old skills. (Since this blog isn't about my work, I'll spare you the details, but give you a hint, it involved training on a cadaver).

After spending 4 hours with the aforementioned specimen, I didn't eat lunch. Not that I was grossed out, but my clothes and hands still smelled like DB, and I didn't want to eat somewhere with that smell. It's not a pleasing smell to those that are not initiated. The next 4 hours was spend cutting up pig plucks for more EMS training, so once again, I wasn't too keen on eating after, plus weigh in was in one hour and I didn't want any more weight on me than what I had. The point of all this, is that by the time the meeting rolled around, I had only eaten 3 of my allotted 33 points.

I went to the meeting and saw Sandy and Thalassa, but no Bernie, which made me sad. I was hoping she had had a better week. I hope she doesn't give up on herself, she is a really nice person and deserves to give herself a break. Bernie, if you are reading this, it's okay. Tomorrow is a new day and you CAN do it!

So, what is the weigh in you ask, well, a whole whopping 1.4 pounds, putting my total up to 8.6! I also had to recalculate my points and I now have 32 instead of 33. I guess it's a good thing, means I am going in the right direction. 8.6 pounds doesn't seem like a lot, but as the title states, pennies lead to dollars and inches lead to miles.....

Speaking of miles, I am considering walking a half-marathon with my friend Sandy. It is next June. I've done a 20 mile ruck march, but I was a few pounds lighter (well maybe, that damn ruck sack and M-16 were heavy) and many years younger. Maybe this is a challenge that will get me exercising, I don't know. What do you think? I like Sandy's post how she equated walking the marathon with losing weight. (http://www.asmidjenatatime.blogspot.com/) She, once again, inspired me, maybe, I am still mulling this one over.

So, tomorrow is bound to be another busy day. Drop the kids off at daycare early, drive to conference, spend all day in conference (no cadavers or pig plucks tomorrow, plus a free lunch!). Then pick up the kids and do it all again Saturday.

Wishing you a good night.

Busy Week

So, I have a very, very busy weekend ahead, and yes I know it is only Thursday. I won't be able to post, but I'll at least try to state how weigh-in goes. I am in EMS Conference Thurs, Fri and Saturday, so I won't really get to spend much time with my hubby or kids until Sunday, wah!

I have a confession to make, I ate McDonald's again, and the day before weigh-in and I am firmly PMSing. So, I wonder how weigh in is going to go tomorrow. Yes, I stayed below my points, I didn't even touch my weekly uh-oh points, so I should do okay. But, we'll see. The funny thing was that tonight, it didn't even taste good and I threw away half my fries.

Why, after teaching class, and it being 1030 pm, do I crave the naughty yumminess of McDonald and not the healthy food I packed. It is my weakest hour and I must come up with a plan. If you have any suggestions on how to avoid the temptation at 1030 at night, I would be interested in hearing it.

Well, I am headed to bed. Night all, til next I post.

Housework

Housework, I've been cleaning, scrubbing, picking up, re-organizing all day. You know what really sucks about it? I am no where near done and it doesn't look that different from when I started. Blah. The upside? I earned activity points and I stayed below my points for the day even though I didn't eat that smart.

I am really getting into this portion control thing, I actually measured out 1 oz of Doritos instead of eating the whole bag. And can I just say that Barbecue flavored Doritos is like Nacho Cheese flavored potato chips, it just doesn't work. With portion control and judicious use of my points during the day, I can still eat the food I like (even though I still feel guilty about it, like I am cheating or something.) As I've said before and I will say again, do not feed me bland diet bunny food, I will not stay on it. Let me eat the stuff I like once in a while (or once a day), just reinforce that I can have the burger and fries, but I need to make sure I have healthier, lower point choices before and after.

I'm also reading the nutrition labels at restaurants that I go to. The other day I went to BK and enjoyed a small onion rings, only 5 points, the same as fries. I usually eat the rings with their spicy onion ring sauce, but I decided not to that night. I am glad I did, 1 little packet of the onion ring sauce has over 17 grams of fat! I didn't realize it was THAT bad for you, I could go eat a spoonful of mayo and not get that much fat.

I picked up a few extra hours teaching tomorrow, so it's going to be another long day in a really long and busy week. My scheduled week? Work, housework, work, conference, conference, conference, Heiser's Pumpkin Patch and carving pumpkins, work and then, finally a day off.

So I bid you a good night and will post when I get the time.

A Glass of Wine

I drank a glass (or two) of wine tonight. A beer just wasn't going to cut it tonight after the day I've had.

I ate so well all day long, until, once again, just after class. Once again, I was hungry and my veggies, fruit and cheese sticks I packed just weren't going to cut it. I ate a cheeseburger and small fries from McDevils again. And, once again, I will not lie, it tasted so good. And, before you chastise me, I still had 19 points for the day. I eat so well during the day, I eat nice low point foods, and when I am home, I eat a nice evening meal that satisfies. I packed a sandwich which I ate before class, and I snacked on fruit and veggies during class, but at 10:00 it wasn't enough. These late nights are getting hard, it's only after class at 1030 at night, do I get hungry. And then I fall into the trap of McDonald's. I must boast though....After eating that meal, I still had 7 points left for the day, thus the wine.

Why the glass(es) of wine? I teach for 2 different education institutions, one is disorganized and one is anal-retentive, both frustrating in their own ways. And I had to deal with both today. I think I am getting burned out in teaching and I am feeling the pull of the field again. What to do, what to do?

Tonight, I can't solve that question. I am hoping God will show me my path. All I can do tonight is enjoy the relaxing glass (or two) of wine while sitting on the couch watching Good Eats with Alton Brown.

Good night

Crappy Mood

I am in such a crappy mood!

Why? Well, the long and short of it comes to living with a 2 year old and a 3 1/2 year old. They both have alternated between being little angels and complete devils. My daughter doesn't have the physical strength that my son does, so she has developed her vocal cords. I am also happy to announce that I am entering my daughter in the WWC - World Whining Competition. I am sure she will take gold! When she whines - it is like nails on a chalkboard. Sigh.

I don't have too much bad food in the house, or else I surely would have eaten it. I am such an emotional eater.

I've been good today, I still have 7 points for the day. If I can just stay out of the kitchen until after the kids go to bed......

Week 2 and it's a good one

Week 2 is done and I am very happy to report I've lost another 4 pounds! Yay for me!!!! Also a shout out to Thalassa, Bernie and Sandy for also losing this week, great job ladies. Originally I weighed in and they said I'd lost 8, but the scale was off and I re-weighed. Still, I am happy with my four!

Today started as a pretty good day, went to work at one of my part-time jobs and wasn't happy about something there and learned some more depressing news and my day really spiraled from there. But, it is a campus in the middle of nowhere and I didn't have any coins to raid the candy machine, so I am happy to report I drank mucho water instead. The long drive to WW though, I just fumed and stewed about everything and was in a really cruddy mood by the time I got to the meeting. I talked to Thalassa, which helped, got a hug from Bernie and Sandy, which also helped.

By the time the meeting got started, the four of us were like a gaggle of school girls, laughing and texting on our phones AND diligently listening and participating in the meeting. I got a BRAVO sticker for inviting my friends to read my blog, and I got my very first 5 pound sticker!! Yay!!

So, I am down over 7 pounds and I don't feel much different in my clothes, yet. But, it will get there. I am only 2 weeks into it. Patience, young jedi (I am really not that much of a geek, but I thought it was appropriate.)

Well, kids are down for sleep, and my husband and I have a few precious minutes of quiet time before we both fall asleep in a exhausted slumber. Good night.

PS - Sandy & Bernie - I hope this post wasn't too long, ;-)

McDonald's

I love McDonald's. I hate McDonald's. McDonald's is so bad for you, but it tastes just so dang good. They are so convenient, and so many of them.

I succumbed to temptation tonight, because I did not plan appropriately. I ate a snack before going to teach, I taught, then on the way home, I ate a pear. I thought that would be enough. Well, it wasn't. As I was driving back, I succumbed to the horrible double arches. I almost had enough strength to resist, until my tummy growled.

I ate a McDouble (9 points), small fry (5 points) and a diet coke. And it tasted so GOOD! I will not lie, even my guilt over eating such an high point-value meal could not make the taste of the ooey-gooey goodness of a cheeseburger seem any less than what it was, perfection.

I got home, got to the computer and started my pennance (sp?). I input all the food I'd eaten since I left and realized I ended the day with half point left over. WHAT??? That couldn't be right, could it? I have a half of a point left to eat of my daily allowance. I didn't touch my uh-oh points? I looked over the whole day and realized that I had chosen healthy, low fat, low calorie meals and snacks the whole day. So, I stayed on track even though I felt like I was cheating. But I didn't, I chose well, young jedi.

Okay, I am tired, sorry for the Star Wars reference there. Tomorrow is weigh in day. I'll post how then.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a Good Night

(Wow, I really am tired!)

I HATE EXERCISE

Exercise is torture!

Some people get an endorphin high and energy after working out. I don't. I don't know what they are talking about. I don't think I have ever felt it. What I have felt is sore muscles, an aching back, and a desire to crawl into bed.

Even when I was younger and healthier and skinnier I hated exercising. Any sort of physical agility test always got my anxiety level up because I was always so close to failing. Especially anything with a timed run in it. (Even now, I am hesitant to take a job that is 19 miles away because they require a 1.5 mile run or 3 mile walk - I don't think so).

I know people who enjoy 100 mile bike rides, 25 mile runs......masochists, that's what they are. I wish I enjoyed physical exercise, but it just makes me tired and sore. Walking, which WW encourages for beginners is B-O-R-I-N-G. Not even iTunes helps. Plus, my neighborhood is so small, I've seen everything around here hundreds of times.

I have tried all sorts of exercise DVDs and gizmos. We own a Wii, Wii Fit, Jenny McCarthy's In Motion (please I really don't want to see my fat lump on TV while I am trying to do jumping jacks.) Even Leslie Sansone walking DVDs. It's hard to do it when I am trying not to trip over all the toys in the living room. I value my sleep too much to wake up early and try to get it in before the kids wake up. Even when I was that motivated, the kids invariably woke up in the middle of it.

It all comes down to the fact that I am a physically uncoordinated lump and it has only gotten worse as I've gotten older. I have no hand/eye / body coordination, and cannot move my body like I want to. I royally suck at Wii games that have anything to do with the balance board. I suck at all games that require me to try to put some type of ball into some type of circle, catch or throw some type of ball with any sort of speed and or accuracy.

I really used to enjoy dancing. When I was younger I would turn the music up really loud and dance, dance, dance. I never had any lessons, because my folks couldn't afford it. Now, I feel too old and too fat to walk into any sort of dance studio and ask to take lessons. Oh, and also, no time and no money also make it pretty hard.

I was good at tackle football when I was younger, as long as I was on the defensive line.

I did earn activity points today though! We took the kids to the Mac Aquatic Center and let the kids swim and splash. I got my points by swimming and pushing them around on a raft while I kicked. I really got my heart rate up.

So, that's it for tonight. I can get rather long winded, but I find this very therapeutic. If you have any suggestions for me for fun activities that are cheap and don't include anything that looks like exercise please let me know.

Much better day today.

Boy, yesterday was rough. From hearing that my aunt wasn't doing well and being sad and worried about that, to my kids being little monsters for most of the day, plus I was a cranky S.O.B. yesterday, I am glad yesterday is over.

Today is a much better day. I slept well, so did the kids. The kids went to daycare and my wonderful husband John took me to the coast today to have lunch and go shopping at the Outlet Mall. I even napped on the ride back home. A very relaxing day, before I have to go teach tonight. I don't know which is worse, putting my kids to bed or dealing with 30 students who range in age from 18 to 53.

So, I didn't do so well yesterday in the comfort foods category. I last blogged that I was going to make a 1 point smoothie, well I didn't. I didn't eat anything, then I got really hungry (bad decision) especially since the kids decided to be little monsters right around dinner time. So, I threw a frozen pizza in the oven. While it was cooking, I calculated the points. It was 7 points a slice and I had 22 points left for the day. So, I splurged at had 3 slices of pizza. Boy was my tummy full. I topped it off with a 1 point beer. (Then another after I got the kids to bed, thus using 1 of my 35 uh-oh points, leaving me with 34 until Thursday).

So, here is the weird thing. I felt like I was cheating on my diet. The pizza tasted soooooo dang good, and washed down with a cold beer. Comfort food at its best. But, I have to keep telling myself to lighten up (well, that is what I am working on), I stayed within my points values, I watched my portion control (the pizza box said it had 8 servings, I cut the pizza into 8 equal slices and ate my 3 slices.) So, I have a strange feeling of guilt for eating "forbidden" food, even though I had the points for it. Weird huh?

Next post - who knows, whatever comes into my mind.

Oh, and a special hello and welcome to my WW friend and fellow journey-woman, Bernie! See you Thursday

Having a Tough Day

My aunt coded last night. I can't get that thought out of my head. I can't get the thought that we almost lost her last night. If she hadn't had issues with nausea and a headache, she would have been discharged home on Friday. But, she did, so they kept her 1 more night. That 1 more night led to an undiagnosed temporary slowing of her heart. Thank God the doctor's decided to be cautious and keep in her for observation, just one more night. If all that hadn't happened, she would have been sent home and would have died in her sleep.

She woke up in the middle of CPR. They ran tests and diagnosed her with Prolonged Q-T syndrome. For my medical friends out here, you know how scary that is. That she survived into her 60's with that diagnosis. Neurologically she's fine, she is going to get an AICD (pacemaker/defib) tomorrow.

I can't stop crying and thinking what if? What if I had lost my aunt just as we were getting close?

I'm having a tough day, because all I want to do is reach for my comfort foods. But, I don't want to fall back on old habits that got me this fat. Comfort foods won't make this fear go away, and will only lead to getting fatter. So I am trying to find another coping mechanism. I really wish i liked exercise or something physical, but I don't. So I turned to the computer. I turned to my on-line blog and venting my feelings and frustrations over life. Life is going to get hard, I can't always turn to food. I turn to food when I am sad, when I am angry, bored. I celebrate accomplishments with food. Oh, you made it through the grocery store and kept to your shopping list, congrats - you deserve a tasty treat.

You know, if this crappy relationship with food really sucks. If this was a relationship with another human being, I'd just kick the SOB out of my life, but you can't really do that with food, now can you?

The desire for a huge bowl of ice cream just passed. I might make myself a 1 point smoothie instead.

What do I "blog" about?

What to write on my blog tonight.

Do I write about the fact that I am tired because the kids decided to be little pains in the butt last night by getting up multiple times in the night, when I had to get up early and drive to Gresham for a state paramedic test? I was the evaluator, not a candidate; I would never want to do that again. Julie cried in her sleep and woke me up 2 or 3 times. I woke up at 3 and couldn’t fall back to sleep. Jack woke me up at 4 and wouldn’t go back to sleep despite chocolate milk and DVD’s. He didn’t go back to sleep until 6, when I left for the long drive to Gresham.

Do I “blog” about how jealous I am of the 2 women I met there that lost a ton of weight, oddly enough, using WW? I know that they have been at it for 18 months and 2 years, but I am still jealous, because both look FABULOUS!!

Do I “blog” about the fact that I tried to be really good, packed snacky foods and my own drinks? At lunch, I opted for the veggie sub sandwich, instead of the ham sub sandwich? After I got home, I looked up the nutritional info and found that it had a HUGE amount of fat and cost me over 25 points for the day (I only have 33). Who would’ve thought that a veggie sub sandwich with a few slices of cheese and 1 tbsp of mayo (I know it was only 1, because I put it on there myself) would be almost 1200 calories? The ham sandwich had ½ the fat and calories. Grrrrrr!

Do I “blog” about the fact that I earned 1 activity point running up and downstairs at the paramedic test? And I also earned 1 playing with my children, playing kickball and chase for 30 min. That helped offset the 25 point sandwich.

So, I have 4 points left for today. I could have a Smart Ones 4 point meal or I could have 4 – 1 point beers………hmmm, which one am I going to choose? You take a guess……

First Week's Successes

Well, the First Week of WW is done! Yay! It can only go down from here....the weight I mean! I am very happy to report that I lost a whopping 3.2 pounds. My friend Bernie, whom I met last week, lost 5.6 pounds. Grr, I am jealous, but I am also very happy for her.



She and I are in the same boat. Last weeks meeting was first for both of us. We both had hit the proverbial bottom (or top of the scales). We admitted to each other that we were near tears with how low our self-esteem was, how horrible we felt in our fat bodies. Last week I dressed in a well-worn t-shirt, shapeless bra, ripped jeans, she came dressed in jeans and a frumpy, bulky sweatshirt. We dressed the way we felt, blah, frumpy.



This week was something new. I felt more confident and pretty. I dressed up a little, wasn't hard to go up from where I was last week. Funny thing, so did she. We both were smiling and happy and gushing about how the first week went. Some might call this the honeymoon stage, and it probably is. The hard part will be staying on track in the weeks and months to come.



I am doing this for me. to feel better about how I look and feel. Something our meeting leader Kourtney said today that I think will be this week's mantra - "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" I don't know about that, I haven't been skinny in so long and a Big Mac would be really, really tasty tonight. Speaking of Kourtney, she gives us weekly things to think about and do. tonight's lesson was to ask for help. Help on this journey of weight loss.

Who do I ask for help?



My poor husband is sick, stressed out from work that he is going to lose his job if the ballot levy doesn't pass, worried about feeding his family, so I don't want to ask too much of him. Thankfully, though, he is being very supportive and not unintentionally (or intentionally, haha) trying to sabotage me. He is proud of me for doing this, the only thing is he doesn't want me to lose my ta-ta's!

I talk to my best friend, Lori and my mother almost daily. They are great sources of encouragement and are already helping me.

So, who do I ask for help? I pondered to myself. Then it came to me, I'm going to share this blog with more people and ask the people I share it with to help encourage me in my successes and pick me up when I have my setbacks.

So, if you are reading this, please post a comment or reply and keep them coming!

Next blog - who know? I'm sure I will have something to say.....

Today is the Day I .....

Today is the day I .......hmmmm. So much to think about today. Today is the day I....weigh in for the first time since on WW. Today is the day for I........ Today is the day I change my life. Today is the day I......

But, today, at least is not about "I"

Today, it's about prayers and thoughts and hugs for my Aunt Jeanne. See, a week or so ago, Aunt Jeanne was diagnosed with a Dural ArterioVenous Fistula. Her neuro doc was surprised when she told him that she had symptoms for the past 6 months. Within a week of being diagnosed, she and my uncle traveled from their rural South Dakota home to Denver, to undergo an intravascular embolization procedure. Brain surgery through the vessels, and it's happening today.

My cousins flew down to be with her, and my mom and her cousin drove to be with them. I am so glad my uncle Skip doesn't have to go through this without family.

As I type this, she is undergoing another angiogram to make sure that they can do the procedure intravascularly instead of a craniotomy. So, even though I am not a religious type, I did put my hands together, bowed my head and prayed.

I also thank God that we've gotten so much closer in the last few years, even though it took a traumatic event.

I love you Aunt Jeanne!

My Favorite Sweets

Speaking of unhealthy habits, here is a list of my favorite bad for you sweets:

1. Doughnuts,
a. Krispy Kreme regulars are the ultimate,
b. Entemanns soft baked variety pack
c. Entemanns rich chocolate, refrigerated with milk
d. Franz Chocolate Old Fashioned
2. Chocolate chip cookie dough, raw.......please don't lecture me on the dangers of raw eggs, I took a food microbiology class, I am well aware, but it still tastes sooooo good.
3. Frosting and cake, not necessarily together at the same time. I have been known to bake a cake and eat it without frosting it.
4. White Chocolate - need I say more
5. Ice Cream
a. Tillamook’s Chocolate Mudslide with homemade raspberry jam
b. Ben and Jerry’s New York Super Fudge Crunch
c. Vanilla
d. Mint Chocolate Chip
6. Cookies
a. White Chocolate Chip
7. Brownies
8. Whipped topping – out of the can
9. Caramels


So far I've been doing okay. I haven't used an uh-oh point yet and I ate a yummy, low point meal yesterday - Bear Creek Chili with cornbread and sour cream.

I just hope I can keep this momentum going.

Next post - haven't thought about it - we'll see what pops into my head.

I LOVE FOOD

As the title suggests, I love food. I love the different tastes, textures, and flavors. I will never turn down food. My favorite foods, in preference order, is sweet, savory, spice, and salty. I despise bland food, especially bland "healthy" food.

I come from a long line of "emotional eaters." We eat when we are happy, sad, depressed, bored, excited. We celebrate with food, we console each other with food. We comfort ourselves with good old-fashioned comfort food. The food that our great-grandparents made and passed the recipes down, despite the fact that the recipes called for sticks of butter and pan-frying. The light and healthy foods just don't satisfy that deep-down need for comfort through food.

I have tried to make "healthier" versions of some of my favorites. Needless to say, they were pretty much disasters. Some of my experiments have included Chicken Pot Pie - the sauce separated because I used Smart Balance and not butter, the crust didn't work either. Red Velvet Cake with Splenda and not sugar - frisbee anyone? Chocolate Chip Cookies - hockey pucks. I have decided that my comfort foods will remain that, comfort foods. I will eat them sparingly and enjoy them with all the fat and calories and yummy goodness.

I am a carnivore. I love a big, beefy steak! Prime Rib with horseradish is my anytime favorite. Just add a huge baked potato heaping with sour cream and butter and that would be my last meal. Unfortunately Prime Rib is one of the fattest steaks out there. You know who makes the best steak I've ever eaten? My Dad, he takes a Costco New York steak and makes it so juicy and flavorful. To put A-1 on his steaks is sacrilege.

Speaking of my dad, growing up when we would have cake, my dad would eat the cake portion and leave the frosting for last. I think that is how I developed one of my worst habits. I can sit down with a tub of frosting (cream cheese frosting is my favorite, followed by vanilla.) and eat a good 1/4 to 1/2 tub at a time. I still eat cake the way he does, the cake first, the frosting last. Hmmmmmm, yummy.

So, what am I to do? Healthy versions of old favorites just doesn't taste right. So, I am going to find flavorful and tasty new recipes. One of my favorites is to take Annies Organic Chili - spicy - and pour it over a salad with dollops of fat-free plain yogurt. The yogurt is a good substitute for sour cream when you are trying new things. It doesn't really work on the old favorites though. (There is one exception where it is actually better - mashed potatoes - my new old favorite is mashed potatoes with smart balance and plain, fat-free yogurt - it tastes much better and flavorful than the old way of butter and sour cream)

So, if anyone is out there that has a yummy, healthy, flavorful recipe that is quick and easy to make, please send it my way.

Next blog - my all-time favorite sweets - I was going to put it in this one, but I need some time to think and make sure I get most of them.....hahahhahaha

By the way - I have to admit I am very proud of myself. Yesterday I ate well during the day and ate a number of 0 point foods. When I left for work I made sure I had carrots and celery to munch on during the drive - yay for me! Then, when class was over, I was really hungry and the only thing open was McDonald's. I still had 12.5 points left for the day. I ate a cheeseburger (7), 1/2 a small fry (2.5) and still had points left over for the day. So, I have yet to use my weekly allowance (what I call uh-oh points.) And, today, we walked the kids to the library, into town and back to the house for an hour of exercise. The last 30 min sucked, because I was carrying Julie. I think it will be funny that when I lose 25 pounds, then pick Julie up, I will be the same weight I am today. Can't wait for that day!!!

Weight Watchers

I am not here to promote and denounce any weight loss strategy. The only reason I am using WW is because my insurance will cover 70% of the cost, reimbursed, up to $175. That's about 6 months worth of WW. A pretty good incentive for me, especially with this economy and our household budget.

I like the POINTS plan. I am good at budgeting, and this plan lets me budget what I eat. So, I can splurge on the Big Mac, I just have to eat leaves and twigs to balance the budget. I am okay with that. Just don't give me bland diet food, I won't stay on it.

I've been on the plan a whole whopping 4 days. Have I lost any weight? I dunno. I put the scale away and will only let WW write down that nasty number. Do I feel any better, maybe. I know I am eating healthier. But, I don't think 4 days is enough to make a definitive conclusion.

So, here is a picture of me, which isn't bad. It was taken earlier this summer with my daughter. It really shows the excess weight, the large arms, the roly-poly belly and the ROUND over-weight face.

I apparently have a lot to say, because I have another post rolling around in my head. So next post, how much I LOVE FOOD!

Blogging for Weight Loss

First of all, I am going to try to answer the reason, why? Why start a blog? I don't read other people's blogs, I don't really want people to be that delved into my life. So, again, why start a blog?

• I am hoping that it will help me document my progress.
• That it will keep me motivated when all I really want is a Big Mac, Fries and a Vanilla milkshake.
• That when I fall off the wagon, because I know I am going to, that this will be my motivation to keep going.
• So I won't be embarrassed when I meet former co-workers, acquaintances and I can see it in their faces - "Boy, has she gained a lot of weight"
• So that my children don't grow up with a fat mommy and unhappy mommy who can't play ball with them because she can't get off the ground.

And, maybe, I can find other's out there, who are a little like me, who have struggled with being big all our lives. That we can come together and say, I am losing weight not because I have a vacation to Hawaii coming up (didn't work), my sister's wedding (lost 25, gained back 35), my high school reunion (skipped it all together). I am losing weight because I want to feel comfortable in my skin. I want to feel energy and a zest for life.

So, if I am the only one to ever read this blog, I am fine with that. If I find a friend or 2 out there who can talk me into eating just 1 serving, not the whole pint of Ben and Jerry's New York Super Fudge Crunch (life is too short to completely deny yourself!), I am good with that too.

Mind you, I don't want to be famous, I just want to feel healthy and have energy again.

So, here we go.

Next post - Weight Watchers